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emperortopaz's Blog

Feb 13, 7:10 AM
Anime Relations: Ben-To
This is the five-hundred-and-eighty-fifth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz and Riri are waiting at a building, with the blogger even looking at his watch. They seem to be waiting for someone, and Ririchiyo is wearing her glasses even if her picture is SADLY lacking them.*

Man, she's really running late today.

: I don't think that you have any room to talk, Topaz. Look at how long it's taken you to finally do a blog on her. (I'm sure that you did it as soon as you could, but still. It's been nearly TEN YEARS since her series...)

I suppose that I deserve that. But at least I'm getting to her and giving her the moment in the sun that she deserves. Perhaps taking this long will be worth it. Maybe after all this time people have calmed down about their feelings about her.

: Reading the comments on the Wiki might prove otherwise. Then again that's just getting into waifu wars or shipping wars-quality battles that no one wins and you just feel bad about.

I really should stop looking at posts, but I like looking at pretty pictures...

: Do not worry, as I'm sure others understand...

Then again... That's not the only pretty thing that I like looking at...

: What do you- TOPAZ!

*Topaz is kneeling down so that he could be level with Riri's ass. His fingers are doing the pre-squeezing exercises as he comes closer to grabbing her fat spats ass.*

: S-stop that!

But your ass looks so great!

???: Excuse me. I shall kick you now.


*A mysterious beautiful girl rushes towards Riri and Topaz, before doing a powerful kick and knocking Topaz away. The black-haired beauty in a school girl uniform even shows off her sexy fat ass as she does so, and Topaz goes flying away from Riri. She looks shocked as he rolls against the sidewalk, taking 10 damage as he rolls.*


*Fortunately this wasn't much and he stands up, adjusting his glasses as he stands up. The mysterious beauty hugs Riri close, even running her hands through the assistant's hair.*

: Do not worry. I shall protect you from this pervert, my beautiful meganekko...

H-hey! I was just fooling around! Then again, that kick DID feel really good...

: Topaz... You have the strangest fetishes. Between being beaten up like this and glasses-wait, did you do all of this ON PURPOSE to summon Ume?!

But of course! Why else would I put you in glasses and look at your ass so closely-heh heh....

*Topaz barely makes it through that sentence before giggling, as both things of course excited him. However, Ume hugs Riri closer.*

: Do not worry, as I shall protect you... Er, I do not believe that I heard your name.

That's Riri, and I'm Topaz!

: Riri and... Hmmm, I believe that you two are the ones that I were to meet today. I apologize for my delay.

Don't worry about it!

: I shall say so! I was used as bait without my knowledge!

: You want me to beat him up further?

*Topaz speaks completely seriously.*

Yes. Please.

*This makes both Ume and Riri look at him in disgust. Which was erotic in its own way.*

: It looks like I'll have to stop punishing you with physical damage, as it won't be effective.

Well, I'll still take damage. But it is the sexy sort of violence that there should be more of. After all, Ume is a beautiful femdom girl and deserves more love!

: That is what Zettai said... He also said that one day you would visit me for a blog. Am I to think that today is that day?

That it is!

: It's been 3000 years!

More like over 9000! But enough memes. It's time to talk about Ume! Well, if she says that it's alright, anyway. Though you did come when I asked you to.

: I suppose that I shall allow it. Especially as you are one of the rare people who can appreciate me as I deserve.

That's right! You deserve a lot more love! It's like people weren't even watching the actual anime!

: Probably got it confused with Working or something. Darn you Infamy!

That's right, good example of an ACTUAL man-hater that deserves far more hatred. I'm not even sure what appeal she possibly has, especially compared to the sweet and cute Poplar.

: True true. But I believe that we could have more privacy inside. Come.

*In a dominant way Ume waves Topaz in, while continuing to hold Riri with her boy between the blogger and assistant. They enter and go to an upstairs room with many windows.*

Such fanciness! We can really tell that you are rich!

: Thank you. Now, Topaz. Go sit over there. Riri and I shall sit over here...

: W-wait, I don't know if I can assist him at this distance!

*Ume gets close to Riri.*

: That is alright. I merely have to keep you away from his depravity.

I'm not THAT depraved! Well, sometimes but not ALL the time!

: I suppose that is true...

: I see. Well, allow me to listen to your blog in that case. I will judge for myself.

I'm glad to hear that you'll allow it, and even though it's been such a long time I'm proud to finally say...

Today's girl is:

Ume Shiraume

*Meanwhile, outside the large building that Topaz and the others are inside.*

Observer: Are you sure about this? This android replicate that you got from the boss looks like it can't fight at all.

Tiara: Who's the one in charge again? Besides, I know that Topaz not only dislikes her but she'll be able to deal additional damage to him!

Observer: T-that's all fine and good, but why are you even using clones like this? Shouldn't you, like, summon monsters like a magical girl does?

Tiara: Oh Observer, you have no idea what magical girls are like. They don't fight monsters any more, all they do are psychoanalyze and do speeches about friendship. You know, like a princess!

Observer: *Sigh* I still don't think that this is going to work...

Tiara: Well then, let's as her.

*She activates the android beside her, which is so life-like that I'll even be using a picture for her.*

: Beep boop. Activating circuits. Will run main protocol... Man Hater dot exe downloaded without error.

Tiara: See? Now that she's on we can ask her. Will you fight Topaz for us?

: But of course. He is a man, and thus deserves no pity!

Observer: I still think this is a bad idea...

Tiara: No matter! Infamybot, go and take care of Topaz and, if you can, the others! After all, no one likes that terrible plum girl! It's not like she's an overpopular pink with massive breasts or something-oh ho ho!

*Tiara continues to laugh as the Infamybot enters the house. However, we return to Topaz and the others as he starts the blog.*

Ume has absolutely incredible hair, it's undeniable. Her black hair just kinda rolls down in a straight sexy line, only to be held together at the bottom with a cute bow. It's pretty long, going past her waist perhaps, but she still shows off her ass well. Ume also has a hime cut, with both the short sides and the longer ones that go to her chest (though unfortunately this does cause coverhair moments). At certain points she has her hair up, and in the light novels she seems to have an occasional ponytail. Both work pretty well for variety's sake, which I do enjoy. Overall with the nice variety, beautiful straight long locks, and with her hair color being black Ume can't get anything else but full marks here!
Grade: A+

The biggest problem here is that Ume's eyes are blue. Well, I suppose there's that as well as the fact that she loves meganekkos but isn't one herself, but that happens sadly. Anyway, Ume's eyes are shaped really nicely, with good corners and a nice if shallow tsurime (I think, it's hard to tell). She does have some slight eyelashes but fortunately it isn't too major. And I guess that it's hard to tell Ume's exact eye color as well, as it's either blue or grey, could be either. Still, I like the art style which includes her pupils and other effects. Overall Ume does fairly well here though she could still do better.
Grade: B

Ume does really well here, with a cute well-proportioned shape and small features. While her nose isn't always a dot it is fairly small still, which helps out quite a bit. It really helps that she's somewhat monotone or serious in a KDEG way, which is really sexy. While she doesn't have too many cute moments because of this I do like her personality and how fitting her face is. And in fairness she does look really cute with a girl that she likes. Overall Ume does really well here, being extremely beautiful even, or because of, her serious personality.
Grade: A

So what do you think about the blog?

: Not that bad. I was expecting more theatrics though. I heard from Zettai that you were quite good with these blogs.

: He's too kind, but I'm sure he's only thinking of all the perverse fun he's able to have with the girls. (I-if only I could admit my love for Topaz and do-no, that's going too far for me!)

Nonsense. I'm sure that he loves my blogs, especially when I do a girl he really likes! Though to be fair you're a great girl and deserve more love.

: Far more than any terrible man-hater anyway. I still don't get why she's so popular.

: No clue, but I bet that it's because she's after the lead. Who gets punched so much that he gets brain damaged and falls for the worst girl.

Being fair that seems to be happening a lot these days. Especially if the girl in question is Chi-something.

: More like piece of Chi-eat... *cough* Darn censors...

: I am just glad to have both you and Zettai on my side. This blog is going quite well, and I approve of it.

That makes me feel so proud! Let's continue!

: Wait... I sense someone coming...

Like a maid or something...?

: No... Someone more diabolical.

*Suddenly the terrible robot enters the room.*

: Hello. I am here to stop your blog, Ume. I demand that Topaz gives me all of his 255 points, on the double as well!

That's more than double the maximum allowed! And there's no way that I'd give any points to a fiend like you!

: Topaz, I think that's a robot.

Nonsense. If she were a robot she'd at least look more awesome. With eyelasers and similar things!

: I am indeed a robot-EEK! A MAN!

*Infamybot then decks Topaz for no reason, dealing 15 damage and not even feeling sorry about it. Truly she is the worst kind of man-hater possible.*

O-oof! Why did you do that?

: Because men are evil and deserve punches.

: Nonsense! While I won't say that men shouldn't be punched it needs to be a reward rather than a punishment! Femdom is important and needs more praise and appeal!

: Like mature women!

I bet Zettai would love a femdom series starring a mature assy lady. But that aside what are you doing here? This shouldn't concern you!

: Nonsense. I'm obviously superior to Ume, and you should be able to see that. Can't you understand how much better I am-EEK! A MAN!

*Infamy punches Topaz again, sending him flying. He rolls again, but in an uncontrolled manner compared to Ume's fist of dommy pleasure. He takes 20 damage from the man hater's punch.*


: Oh no! Topaz is so wounded he's making Kunio-kun noises!

: How terrible! Too bad we can't do anything for him. Now, keep sitting on my lap and I'll put this cute bow on you...

: Now's not the time! I've got to defend Topaz!

N-no! This is a battle that I have to do myself!

*Topaz staggers to his feet, but Infamy starts reeling back again.*

: EEK! A MA-

: NO!

*Ririchiyo grabs the robots arm to stop her from punching Topaz senselessly, rather than in a sexy femdom manner.*

: What are you doing? You shouldn't protect this lump.

: LUMP? I'll tell you that Topaz is actually the one that I lo-KYA!

*She's interrupted as the robot tosses her to the side. Riri falls to the ground, looking slightly wounded.*

: Ow! I mean, it's not that rough, but it still hurt a little.

: Now that she is out of the way-EEK! A-

*This time Infamy is the one interrupted as Ume makes a leaping kick and sends her flying across the room.*

: I hope that it was alright that I kicked you.

Ume... I knew that you would save me!

: I merely did this for Riri's safety. Her beauty does not deserve to be tarnished.

W-what about me? Do I deserve to be tarnished?

: Certainly, just not by me.

Understandable. But do you think that you can let me continue the blog while you're fighting? You'll become stronger and she'll deal less damage.

: If you insist. I shall attempt to keep it quiet, as I am looking forward to what you say.

Then let's get going with the rest of this!

Ume has a really great body too, looking very curvy and sensual. She has a great narrow waist that fits her slender body, and her hips are wide and sexy. Her ass could use a little more meat but it's still nice and round which looks lovely. She even has one or two bare ass scenes, which perhaps back then wasn't surprising but these days that really help hers out. She's even bending over in a sexy dominant pose, pinning Ayame down in the bath, but I do agree with Zettai when he said that she could use her ass in a more dominant fashion. Speaking of Ume's lower half her legs are really sexy, with nice thick thighs that would be great for scissorholds and the like. She also kicks often enough that her legs are probably her primary weapon. Overall Ume is a very sexy beauty that could use more fanservice, especially of her ass, but did manage to get some good shots in the series.
Grade: B+

Sadly Ume's chest is somewhat big. Not like Ayame, but she's not flat either. Still, Ume could have been worse or have more useless focus or something. She does have some bare moments with coverhair as mentioned before, but considering how much her ass is shown hopefully that isn't much of a problem.
Grade: B-

Ume doesn't do too well here, but not bad either. She just needs more outfits, I suppose. We mostly see her in the school uniform, which is a sailor uniform with white shirt, dark blue ribbon, and navy blue skirt. Her white thighhighs really help though, both matching her shirt for some contrast and in general making her legs look really sexy. She also seems to wear sexy underwear, or at least bra as I don't remember seeing her panties at any time. Ume also wears a pink bathrobe which is fairly memorable, and in the specials she wears a gym uniform which is good. She wears a brown bikini in the beach episode, while in the Light novel she wears a black one instead. Speaking of the light novel, from the scant images I found involving her I've seen her in a white dress as well as a causal outfit of jeans, sweater, and apron. It had a nice low angle of her ass too, so it's a shame she didn't do naked apron. In general Ume does alright here, but a little more sexy cosplay could have helped. Then again I suppose I could be missing something major in the LN's, I can't be sure.
Grade: B

*The battle between Ume and Infamy rages onward, with fast-motion action that Riri can barely follow.*

: This is truly a battle worthy of the history books!

: Do not worry, young beauty. I shall defend you from this... ruffian!

: I'm not sure why I'm even attacking YOU. I only hate men, because they deserve such things!

: They may deserve pity and sexy violence, but neither are things that YOU will even be able to realize!

: Violence is all the same! And much better than sexy things too!

Nonsense! Stop saying such terrible lies! Sexy things are perfectly fine, and maybe there wouldn't be so many terrible moments in our history if violence wasn't so prevalent in media!

: Again, do as Topaz says and not as he does. I mean, you have a choreographed battle scene right in front of you!

That's different though. This is more cool battle effects than actual violence.

: So you're purposely writing this poorly to keep the censors off your back?

*Topaz looks to the corner of his eyes.* N-no... I'd NEVER do such a thing.

: True. It's more likely that you're too lazy to write well.

: Do not worry. I'll only use non-lethal force against humans, and this is a robot. Now, do you mind if I wipe off this table?

: W-what? We're in the middle of a battle and-

*Ume then drags Infamy across the table, slamming the robot through the various dishes, set pieces, and other decorations placed on it. She then throws it against the floor, but Infamy stands up, if staggering.*

: Y-you'll never be able to defeat me with your puny human body! I am built from PURE MAN-HATRED!

: Then let me weaponize the hatred that idiots have for ME instead!

No! Don't! Your body can't handle that much energy!

: It must be done...

*Ume starts drawing power, but Infamy starts to move towards Topaz.*

: Oh no, she's taken advantage of Ume standing in place, charging her attack, to get to Topaz!

: Hurt... Kill.... hatred...

Oh no! I missed what could have been a FFVI reference!

: TOPAZ! Priorities! Besides, you reference SNES RPGs too much!

Yoyo is awful! Alicia too, as she caused the Armageddon!

: Better than a kangaroo-Er, stop that! She's going to get to us soon!

Agreed! Well, she probably won't hurt you as she's a man-hater, but-

*Infamy approaches Topaz and Riri, standing in front of a huge window. However, Ume stops building her hatred and rushes with a cool run towards the robot.*

: Mind if I KICK you?

*With a leaping kick Ume knocks Infamy out of the window, and the three watch as it falls to the ground from the high story. The robot is broken as they return to the blog.*

Phew. That really was a close one. I'm glad that Ume is so strong!

: Strong and sexy is my middle name!

: Surprised that there isn't a plum in there somewhere...

But I do apologize for the damage to your house.

: We'd pay for it, if we weren't so dirt poor.

: Do not worry, as I have been thinking of replacing that window for some time.

How fortunate!

: Sounds a little contrived, if you ask me...

: Do not worry, my little one. I'll continue to protect you from this pervert...

*Ume pulls Riri close to her, as Topaz sits down on the other side.*

So what do you think of the blog, Ume? Are you enjoying it?

: I am. Not because of anything you said, as Zettai has said most things you have, but because I'm glad that there's at least one person who thinks so highly of me.

Of course! You deserve far more love and far less hatred for what you've done! If only that hatred could have been placed on characters that actually deserve it!

: The would would be a far better place if what you and Zettai like more were all more popular.

I've been saying that for a while now! But how about we continue with the blog? I'm sure that our readers will enjoy it!

: I believe that there's something else that our readers will enjoy as well... Or at least one of them....

*Meanwhile, at the base of the building where the foes are waiting. They watch as Infamy is thrown out the window, her body mostly destroyed from the battle with Ume.*

Tiara: O-OH NO! How awful! Who could have done such a thing!

Observer: If only someone could have said that this wasn't enough power...

Tiara: Stop gloating and lend me some of your power, Observer! Be of SOME use!

Observer: I do not think that you could want where my powers come from... Besides, perhaps this is a sign from God that we should stop this.

Tiara: If you're not going to help out why don't you go back to the base and be useless somewhere else?

*Observer looks quite mad, even if her expression can't he seen.*

Observer: FINE THEN. I'll lend you a little of my power. But don't come crawling to me when your creation turns on you!

Tiara: Oh yeah? What are the chances of that?

*Observer sighs but helps Tiara. They admire their handywork as Infamybot has grown to a giant size, and no longer resembled a horrible man-hater either. The two girls pant as they look at the deactivated robot.*

Observer: Pant... That took a lot out of me.

Tiara: I suppose, but look at how strong she is now! We'll be able to defeat Topaz easily!

*With that we return to Topaz and the others, where he continues the blog.*

Ume is an amazing TDB, with a serious side to her. She's a little like a KDEG, but she does have emotions and instead is more of a monotone-voiced character. She is quick to anger and punish those she thinks are doing something wrong, and this is where people tend to get things wrong about her. I don't know what show people were watching, but everyone thinks that she's just beating up the lead for no reason. That's actually Inami from Working, who punches guys for getting too close to her. Ume beats up guys in a defending sort of way, and it's treated as femdom which is far superior. It's really unfortunate that for some reason Ume got a lot of hate for doing something that people should enjoy, while Inami gets fame and popularity. Then again this is the same society who likes Keijo and dislikes the superior SekaiTsuyo, so obviously they've come from some bizarro backwards universe or something. Anway, Ume certainly doesn't deserve all the unwarranted hatred she got as people want to abuse her for no reason, and it's incredibly sad. She deserves far better, and I wonder if this inspired what happened in the light novel. Nothing BAD (or so I hope), just that she is defeated by some bento-fighters and decides that she can't protect Hana herself. Sadly I don't know further specifics, other than that being the moment she started to accept You more. I just hope that idiots weren't the reason behind this and that this wasn't too mean to Ume either. Continuing on, Ume is the student council president, is an ojou though her parents are divorced, and she's Hana's childhood friend. Again I'm not sure why Ume got the hate that she did, as she certainly doesn't deserve it, like at ALL. Even after all these years I don't have a clue either, as there's far worse characters and Ume deserves far better.
Ume is voiced by Ai Kayano who gives her a serious yet very sexy voice. I love how seductive and dominant she is as well, working really well with the character and all her scenes. Apparently her catchphrase is something like “Do you mind if I X” while she's in the process of “X”, such as kicking or smacking a person. Ai Kayano does a lot of great voices like Saori from Panzer, Mogana from Medeka, and Darkness from KonoSuba (okay, so they aren't all great xD). Overall Ume is an incredible girl, and I just wish that she didn't get the hatred that she does. Also I really should have done her sooner, as she's an awesome beauty.
Grade: B+

Ume does really well here, despite what her haters would say (and their ideas are absolutely insulting and offensive too). She's a great femdom-based girl, but the issue is that she is a very big lesbian. She in particular likes Hana, a meganekko friend of the lead, and would do anything to protect her from perversion. Ironic considering how perverse Ume is and how much of a fujoshi Hana is as well. Ume even takes Ayame into the bath punish her for teasing Hana so much. Of course, that doesn't mean that she doesn't get attention from the opposite sex. The lead You even mentions that he's starting to enjoy when Ume beats up on here, which I'm not sure why people didn't understand made her so perfect for femdom. But the biggest thing is the final volume. It has chapters for most of the girls and how their lives are with the lead, and surprisingly Ume has one. Her father, who had been stalking her since her parents divorced, teams up with You to hide Ume's lesbian side. This causes her to enter a fake marriage with him, to hide her relationship with Hana. While fake, I would like to remind you that this means that in at least one continuity UME WINS. Sorta, I suppose. But she still respects that he's the only one that can protect Hana, so there's that. Overall this ending really helps out, as it shows that she might not be just a lesbian and that sounds incredibly sexy considering her femdom slaps and more.
Grade: A-

There isn't much information about Ume here, but she still does pretty well. She's in the same year in high school as the lead, meaning the first year I think. Her birthday is also January 11th, which is an interesting fact
Grade: B

Total Grades: 82
Average score: 9.1
Final Grade: B+

And that's the blog for the week. What do you think of it?

: Took long enough, but I suppose that it was not as bad as it could have been. I am glad that even this far in the future there's people who still remember me with positive feelings.

Of course! A shame that your series never got another season, though that could be said for a lot of anime.

: And yet terrible series get further adaptations... The world is not a kind one.

: I agree. Believe me, I know how awful this world can be.

*Ume hugs Ririchiyo tight, who seems to be wearing a bow in her hair and a goth loli outfit. She's still wearing glasses, of course, which may be why Ume is so attached to her.*

: H-help...

: Oh? Do you want to stay the night and away from Topaz? I'm sure that I can manage-oh, but all the beds need to be cleaned. You'll have to sleep beside me, but I'll make sure that you won't have nightmares!

Sounds like a fun sleepover!

: Be serious, Topaz!

Fine... I don't think that Ririchiyo wants to stay with you, Ume. Perhaps Zettai would instead.

: Hmmm... perhaps...

*Unfortunately before they part ways the wall is destroyed. The enhanced Infamybot, now gigantic but not female at all any longer, looks at them with shiny eyes.*


Oh no! It's Calcabrina!

: That's right-wait, no. That's the doll from FFIV, Topaz. This is from something completely different!

But they look so much alike! Are you saying that this giant thing isn't made up of many smaller dolls?

: ...Okay, so there's SOME similarities there. But no, this giant creature is Lood!

Ririchiyo, it's not that perverse. I mean I guess it's not wearing clothes but-

: No no, I mean that the robot's NAME is Lood!

Then I understand not wanting to use it, thanks for keeping this blog child-friendly!

: I believe that we've gone past that...


*The giant robot smashes some of the floor under their feet, but the three manage to not get hit.*

This is no time for bad puns!

: It's NEVER a good time for your puns, Topaz.


*Topaz gets punched by the robot, being sent flying across the room. He takes 50 points of damage, his head looking definitely damaged.*

: Oh no! Not Topaz!

*Riri runs over and looks at Topaz, who is on the floor leaning against the wall. His head is looking really tipsy.*

Maybe Inami IS better than Ume...

: Oh no! He's obviously brain damaged! What should I do?

: Punch him in the face to balance it out!

: B-but I don't think that's how actual medicine works!

: Who cares? This is his blog, and that's how an idiot like him would right a plot!

: What do you know about.. yeah, you're probably right...

*Riri hesitates but punches Topaz. Not hard, though. Only dealing like 5 damage to him due to her love of him. However, it doesn't seem to work.*

Gisen did nothing wrong...

: It didn't help!

: Try it again, this time with more femdom feeling!

: A-alright...

*Riri punches Topaz again, dealing 15 damage this time due to a harder hit. He looks damaged, but otherwise...*

: He's still so dazed and stupid! Definitely brain damaged, and moreso than usual!

: Did you punch from the other side?

: Wait, what?

: Let me do this-Mind if I PUNCH YOU?

My favorite anime and manga are T*w-BLLBLB

*Ume gives Topaz a powerful punch, smacking him for more damage on the other side of his face. Topaz goes flying, rolling in a silly fashion. He takes 25 damage, but staggers to his feet.*

: How are you feeling now?

Quite a bit better. I feel that I said something terrible though.

: Only satanic verses, you were speaking in tongues.

Phew, at least I wasn't ENTIRELY brain damaged.


*The robot goes to grab Topaz, who is still recovering. However, instead Riri leaps in the way and is captured.*

W-WHAT?! RIRI, NO! Not again!

: Look at what you did!

: Not Man. Will Exterminate regardless.

: WHAT?!

*Ume starts kicking the giant robot, but it doesn't mind. Instead it absorbs Riri into its mouth while she and Topaz look on in fear.*

Wait... That's it! The chest!

: You have three seconds to-

That character had a weak point in the chest, but you had to hit it from both sides! With Riri on the inside we can hit it from the inside and outside simultaneously!

: But how are we going to predict that?

Good point. If only we had dancers with telepathy...

*Before Topaz could think of a way to communicate with Riri the robot's arms extend out to grab him...*

Posted by emperortopaz | Feb 13, 7:10 AM | Add a comment