Dec 15, 2019 10:21 AM
How (I think) I became an introvert
Anime Relations: Steins;Gate
So we've learned that alot of members on this forum are introverted.
My fellow introverts I want to ask you why you don't socialise more in real life.
Growing up I was a happy kid who easily made friends. But at parties I saw that people could dance really well and I didn't practice dancing at home so I would never dance and just stayed back. Later on I would just say to people, "I make music. I don't dance to it." I guess this was the first hint that I was becoming introverted. Then I picked up video games and playing the piano but I still hada pretty active social life. At that point it was balanced 50/50 introversion / extroversion. I was confident at school. Self-confident. I was happy to be on my own. I was happy to be with the nerdy kids. I was happy to be with the popular kids. My close circle of friends just happened to be the ones who lived along my route walking to and from school. But I could hang with anybody and I approached girls for relationships.
In my college years people started getting more serious. I was really passionate about music and relationships and my friendships were important to me. But I was becoming my own person and setting more boundaries and time for myself.
In uni things really began to change. Moving away from home and traveling more. I began to see life outside of my bubble and began to question things alot more. I became much more thoughtful than I was before. I used to look up at the clouds alot and look at the trees and just think about life and how different things were for people all around the world.
I began to get more annoyed by my friends always wanting to be around me. More annoyed at people eating into my alone time. And I was talking less on the phone.
Then social media really started to take off and I got into online gaming. And I thought to myself, "This is it. This is the real fun. Being around my friends brought many happy memories but now I can really organise my fun and minimize annoyances."
I became addicted to just talking to people online on forums in video games. I didn't enjoy talking to people in real life all that much anymore. People at work just seemed so different to me. The things that they wanted to do and talk about seemed so boring.
Then I joined the military and I was the only black guy at my base. Not just that but I was the only non-white british person at the base for three and a half years. That brought its own problems. I was the center of attention alot of the time. Back in my college days I loved being the center of attention. But now I wanted to blend into the background but I couldn't. And even though there were alot of great people I was working with and some who shared my interests and hobbies I just felt like I just didn't fit in no matter what. So I decided to leave.
Now I am happy having my fiancee as the main person in real life that I share with. And my old best friend from my school and college days is now someone that I just meet up with for special occasions. Now I see friends as people online who come and go. Alot of times I am the one who comes and goes. Take Destiny for example. I went in there and formed huge clans. Then when I got bored of the game I left it all behind me and started over in another community. I'm a roamer now. A lone traveler. A nomad. I go here and there online and meet people and make friends and then I disappear or the community itself disintegrates and is pulled out like a rug from beneath us.
So in other words - I am introverted because I chose to be. It isn't that I am socially inept. It isn't social anxiety. If people understood me more and were more interesting to me then I would want to talk to them. But most people in real life I meet just make small talk and like things like football and drinking at the pub or just gossiping about other people. I can't take that. I need to be entertained. I need to be challenged. I need that dopamine. And I need for people to not always be asking me for help and for favours. I have had to learn to depend on myself and anything I want I have to work hard for it and sacrifice for it. Nothing has ever been handed to me. This is why I like characters like Edward Elric btw.
I also don't like how people try to put me in a box. I do alot of things. I hate when someone at work finds out I have say cats for example. Then everytime they see me they ask how are the cats. I'm like the cat guy to them. And if I happen to mention that I am going to the gym they seem surprised. "Oh I thought you just liked cats!" Seriously?
Or if I say I like video games they are shocked when I say I have a girlfriend. Or if they are someone who sees me at the gym all the time they are shocked when they see me with a novel in hand.
So how about you guys? Why aren't you more social in real life? What's stopping you? Is it a choice or not?