Mar 24, 2009
Jiro Kanai (JK)- "Hey guys, I have a brilliant idea! Let's make an anime adaptation of Street Fighter...without any fights!"
Studio 4 Executive (SE)- "What?"
JK- "Hey, we'll even go one step further, taunting our audience by setting up fights that are about to happen, ONLY FOR THE CAMERA TO CUT AWAY, or for both combatants to peacefully part ways."
SE- "Are you insane? What will be the attraction for the audience, then?"
JK- "Well, instead, we'll fill the film with an hour of pseudo-philosophical bullshit, childish refrains about justice and protecting life, and some of the most laughably bad "scientific" explanations, plot holes,
and lack of common sense since Code Geass finished airing!
To rub even more salt in the wounds, let's spend the only two meager, poorly animated fights we have on the combatants trading more philosophical observations than actual strikes!"
SE- "Are you just trying to irritate the people who spent money buying the Street Fighter 4 Collector's Edition?"
JK- "Oh, I have an even better plan for them. While we're at it, LET'S JUST FUCKING IGNORE THE ENTIRE CANON AND STORYLINE created by the last 15 plus years of games."
SE- "Dare I ask for some examples?"
JK- "Well, let's have the entire plot center around Ryu's suppression of the Dark Hadou. Nevermind that Street Fighter 4 occurs between Street Fighter 2 and Street Fighter 3, or that Ryu successfully handles this before the beginning of the SF2 tournament.
Hell, this is the main storyline of the prequel Alpha games, as well as the primary subject of the 1999 FILM OF THE SAME NAME. That's sure to rile them up, no?
I mean, not only have we spit on the entire storyline, but we've retread old ground in the process.
As a neat little bonus, let's have Sakura still be a Ryu-obsessed stalker, as in the Alpha storyline, even though she went to college and gave up fighting by Street Fighter 2!"
SE- "Wow, can you possibly do anything more to piss people off?"
JK- "Well, horrid fight scenes worse than what was done in the eighties is an absolute given, even though Studio 4 C is typically renowned for their art.
However, let's also focus on only one of the new characters, Crimson Viper, and not the far more interesting and already much more well-liked Abel, El Fuerte, or Rufus. Hell, let's not even show them!
Also, let's have no visible signs of Akuma, or any Shadowloo villain. Only Seth!"
SE- "Honestly, I hope this is a goddamn joke. If not, I ought to fire you on the spot."
JK- "Hey...you want to go for a drink right now? It's 7 pm, so let's cut out early today."
SE- "Well, alright. My son has a soccer game at eight o'clock, but I'm a negligent father who is never at home anyways, so what does it matter?"
(8 hours later, at a seedy bar in Yokohama)
SE- "Owwww mannnn....that anime idea you tol' me earliwa in da day...brilliant! Make it! Make it! Hey, I don' feel so good...BARFF!!!!"
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