Four billion years ago, in the Andromeda Nebula, an ambitious project was launched. An ancient race of aliens, seeing that there was no other intelligent life in the Universe, set their massive supercomputers the task of seeding more races that could grow to sentience. The project was known as the Omega Program. The human race was the result of this project.
However, humans were not the only races to grow from the Omega Program, and lurking in the future is the deadliest threat the human race has ever faced. In time, the products of this Program are destined to clash in violent opposition. Hopelessly outnumbered by the technologically superior enemy, Earth has one last hope—the secret fail-safe of the Omega Program—the Delta Boy, living avatar of the supercomputer that began life on Earth.
His only problem is staying alive long enough to save his future—and that of all humanity...
So, a few years ago I stumbled into a store that sold a lot of old video games and movies for cheap. They had a deal where you could get three movies for $1, and among some really great deals (Harlock Saga for 33 cents?), I grabbed this movie for 33 cents. It collected dust on my shelf for a while, but one lonely night I decided to give this movie a shot.
The plot is vague and overcomplicated; difficult to understand. If you're looking for something genuinely interesting and thoughtful to watch, this isn't your movie. However, if you're like me and you love to waste your time on Earth watching horrible, drill-to-the-skull garbage for fun, please watch this movie.
Within the first few minutes the setting of the movie is dumped on you in a very monotone, very action-movie-commercial speaking voice. We get a nice shot of potato chips(?), DNA strands, and sperm being sucked into a black hole. Then we get a shot of the inside of the black hole, where a giant badly rendered CGI fish flops around sadly, afraid, but ultimately content with its death as long as it doesn't have to stay in this movie any longer than it has to. Back to the same shot of the black hole. A dinosaur pokes his head outside and gives you a stern look. He is judging you for watching this movie. He opens his mouth and devours the camera with his badly rendered needle-teeth. We are greeted by another back hole and a skull. The skull fades away and a neanderthal turns his head towards you sorrowfully before bursting into flames.
That was the most interesting part of the movie.
It starts off with your typical "weird nerd boy meets hot pink-haired alien girl" trope. Then the boy gets superpowers and turns into a very muscular man through the power of science. Then the boy gets the girl. Then the girl dies and three minutes later he moves on to her identical twin sister "hot pink-haired alien girl except with more political power" after walking in on her in the shower. We get a 10 minute recap of the boy's relationship with former "hot pink-haired alien girl with not so much political power" that just reuses the same bland scenes we saw not twenty minutes before in the movie set to a Korean pop ballad.
I've just summed up the only parts of this movie that even mustered a smile on my face. The rest will leave you thirsty and unfulfilled. I love you. Please don't watch this movie. read more
Something like a decade ago, Anime was pretty hard to come by in the UK. Seeing it on the TV was even rarer. That's where Sci-Fi Channel stepped in to help out by airing a number of anime series, and films, including Tenchi Muyo, Akira, DevilMan, and this.
A contest has turned my interest in Anime into an Obessession when I read up on Anime, read about Tenchi Muyo then saw an Ad for Tenchi Muyo on the TV. I tried to watch every anime I could find on the TV. Unfortunately I included this.
Tapping it overnight, and then watching it... I was unsure what the bloody hell I was watching. The Thing seems to have a plot included for a TV series, condensed into whatever time this hell lasted for. It rushed from one thing to the next, ending up in a mess that you could not understand. Nor could you find any emotional attachment to anything within.
Early on, a kinda main character dies. Then a couple minutes later, we're meeting her identical sister. You won't shred a tear for the first sister, and all references to her death etc, are kinda narmy.... There was a statue to her and stuff, but bloody hell, it was just two minutes ago for the viewer... I can't remember if there was a time jump (I actually think the Hero may tme travel or something), but it certainly didn't feel like there had been enough time for it to settle in my mind.
When I originally saw this, I was convinced it was a TV series condensed into a film, and that was to blame. However, since that wasn't the case, I think it was just plain bad.
This is not a so bad it's hilarious either. You can't follow this thing, so you can't tell if it is funny or not. Even if I do remember the plot elements I did figure out to be pretty damn generic.
Just do yourself a a favour and don't watch this. Instead recommend it to someone you don't like or something.
But remember kids, friends don't let other friends watch Armageddon.read more