Arakura's Blog - MyAnimeList.net

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Tue, 25 Dec 2012 23:48:02 -0800

Private Entry

My Favorite anime/manga girls and guys

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 16:20:41 -0800

Kurosawa Misaki Anri Ashitaka Light Yagami Celty Izaya Misha (from Katawa Shoujo, just a few hours in though!) San Kamina

Why I like Romance and Why I am as of now and the past, will continue, and need to step away and enjoy it for what it is

Sat, 08 Dec 2012 11:51:36 -0800

I like romance not especially because of the real life applications per se, but the existence of pairings in such a way that enlightens and lightens the spirit or soul. The reason I love Love is because I care about and for it, regardless of the form it comes in (anime, movie, or real life) This too is a reason I try not to overanalyze romance: because it is simply a retelling of one brand of story. That of two people who have found themselves in eachother. Each time it is heartwarming and meaningful because of the reaffirmation that the thought, belief, and experience behind love actually exists in a way that the authot can capture through skillful storytelling. The replication of synthesization does not degreade the meaning and enjoyment of the love, but rather acts as this sort of reaffirmation. However, if a romance does import some meaning upon one's own existence, it holds a special place in my heart. It does not need to though <3 ~ (Maison Ikkoku forever) 12/14/2012 - Upon pontification and actually asking a few people, I ended on the conclusion that sometimes (most of the time... all of the time) the driving force behind my love of romance and drama is that I just like it. Simple as that. Why does the universe exist? It just does. More specifically it's sympathy and empathy, but those are just essential to my character. I just am that way (and glad for it!)

I Began as a Dream

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 22:02:59 -0800

What We Mean to Me I began as a dream. Not in the peaceful minds of my parents, no—they had no expectations such as the reality we now live—but instead when I was a junior in my seventeenth year on two legs of my very own. What do people call me? Who do people think I am? Who do I think I am? These are all quite different in truth. In fact, that’s how it all truly began. Let me tell you a story. I have never been very outspoken. I am an in-spoken character if you will. For years I had lived quietly, feeling superior or inferior to the fields of strangers who walk across my path. Everyone was a stranger to me, and I to them. Though it seemed that they weren’t aware. Intrigued by this, I dove deeper. They call me by my name, but do they truly know who they are speaking to—to whom that name applies? Physically yes, but mentally or in spirit (I am wary to use that word, but the feelings it expresses strike true) they do not. My name is a name for an abject which has longevity, intelligence, arguable will, and the ability to play an instrument. The thoughts possessed within are unknown to them, and thus the word they apply to my being does not heed the very soul of the being which animate my body daily. They call me by my name, but that is a word, applied like the word ‘satellite’—without understanding of the deeper functions that lie within. Only I am aware of what lies beneath. This was standard talk to myself. For years I had used this internal monologue to entertain myself one way or another, be it by puzzling through rough ideas, arguing with myself (aspects of… I wonder…), are just sassing people in a land beyond the assailable confines of the ear. And then one day it hit me. Like a bomb thrown to the side of an unsuspecting passerby, this idea threw me off guard. What if everyone was like I am. Surely I am not some inhuman construct. Surely the very structures which animate this body and create such self-aware thought was born into at least some, if not many or all of these humans around me. I was devastated. Wrung from the cave from within which I had stood and cast my mind upon the fearless shadows as they passed, I had nowhere left to turn but the sun. What could be out there, behind the bony walls of the heads of countless dozens of my classmates, friends, family, coworkers, and enemies? The fact that they ran an internal monologue was not the real blow, but my sudden awareness that they were aware, and that they were aware that I was aware they were aware—as I am for them at this very moment. Surely I, among the countless thousands of intelligent humans on this planet, was not the first to make this very discovery, but to pin it upon all the other smart humans on the planet. Did Shakespeare see deep into the hearts and souls of his closest friends and darkest enemies to drive forth the emotion which empower his films. Recoiling from the shock of this discovery, I soon realized (urgently had I sought sanctuary from this troubling idea) the problem. Why, if such an idea is not so deep in nature that a simple high school boy could trouble it out in just a matter of hours once hitting upon it, had no one else talked of this. Why wasn’t this idea of the inner self a human culture phenomenon? Well… when I considered it truly, the separation of the soul from the sword, the heart from the hand, the passion from the action, was an idea which garnered such abuse in literature and the arts that it often describes beings of evil nature if at all. But. Why? And I realized. I found the discrepancy between myself and the world… I think (to this day). They, the humans, are careful creatures. Yet, they—we—who created entertainment of such a level chose to throw this most natural process—the distinction between the internal and external monologue—in the harshest of light. People rejected this disparity, and through education, cultural installation, all that like, it must have pervaded the minds of humans worldwide. Otherwise, we—the creators, proprietors, and investors in such media would have ended such strife long ago. Can you imagine if sadness was an emotion which was shunned worldwide? I can. I can imagine much more. I am willing to imagine much more. And that’s when it happened. That was when I realized I was different from the person I had been just a short time before. I was different from the person everyone had thought they knew, even after they thought they knew that they might not know me. But… who am I?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When do we walk from one into the other and awaken truly? How can we know? These are questions I try to grapple with, but the problem is obfuscated by the ostentatious presentation of reality multiplied by two, and these worlds collide. Worlds flowing together like tributaries into a river, one that consumes all order and distinction recognized before. How does one pick these water droplets, these disconnected thoughts, actions, dreams and memories from its own container? Truly we live in a world within our own heads, and in that world lay another one. When the waxy coating dividing these inner layers melts, what can we call to resurrect it?

… … I woke up from a dream. The realest dream I had ever had. Who am I? Were these other people just like me or was I simply a brain in a vat—a matrix of synthetic emotion and feeling. How could I—a being ultimately natural in my creation—be thus…unless among many of the like. I guess some might say I found myself. I like to think I realized myself and found others... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heed my words, for what I speak now will echo soundlessly upon your conscious for many months, imprinted deep…That which you dare not forget. What I realized in this deepest chasm of my soul, my mind, my being, was not some truth, but some acceptance. Of the way I wanted to be. Of the way I thus was. I long for connection. I long to truly see beneath these dusty and worn layers of the outer self and stumble upon something… nay, someone… truly breathtaking.

Light Yagami: Perhaps not so immoral

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 15:29:45 -0800

Light Yagami: Morally Ideal in Theory. The story of Death Note is commonly identified by the anti-hero that is Light Yagami. He, who attempted to make himself a god and craft a new world for himself to lead, is not actually a moral failure, but rather a failure due only to the corruption which he succumbed to in applying his morally sound plan for the new world. Perhaps, one could argue, that because he attempted to make himself the “god of the new world” and the fact that he was too weak to hold the position, his plan was doomed for failure. But, again, the key point of my concern is the idea that his plan for the world and the methods with which he attempted to change it were not actually morally bankrupt. In our world, murder is incontrovertibly immoral. This is the first and foremost issue that people have when analyzing Light’s actions. His willingness—enjoyment some could argue (the point is moot)—to use “violence”, rather a willingness to kill, to realize his vision for the future—as well as the fact that his vision of the future included the presence of a necessity to kill deep in its core mechanism. In following, it is standard for watchers to observe a distinct chasm that tears his incredible intelligence from an equally incredible moral intelligence, per se. They say things along the lines of “he is really smart, yea, but has no sense of morals” and items along that line of thought—focusing on the distinction between school/street smarts and moral smarts. I am here to propose that these smarts are actually the same in origin, and that due to the preset nature in which morals lies within our culture and our upbringing, we fail to see the source of morals as that same necessity from which smarts finds meaning. Morals do not lie in a separate district in the brain as standard intelligences, but rather much deeper within the same one. But first, let me dispel the second largest group of ‘haters’ which deride Light’s goals and intentions. The religious ones. I am not a hater of religion, but I consider those who argue that Light’s wish to become a god a transgression of the belief of an original and eternal lord; that he wishes to usurp the natural and essential order of things. These people are the most foolish. Consider this: A book, which gives ANYONE the ability to KILL ANYONE whose name and face they know has just fallen down to Earth. Ummmm…. All arguments for Christianity or any other monotheistic faith have just been roflstomped in this universe of the author’s creation, so to speak. This is not our world, our morals and beliefs do not apply perfectly. Be aware of that. If Light was religious, after finding the Death Note he would no longer have been. Now that that is covered, consider the source of the deepest and most essential moral in the world today: the sanctity of human life. Human life is precious and those who forsake that in favor of murder are moral failures. This moral is not essential to the world, it came from something. People were not born knowing that “it’s wrong to kill that person”. That belief came into the world via necessity. That is to say it was a sort of game theory decision which brought it into being. The tale of the Ring of Gyges elaborates this point well. Morality is not something inherent to the world—and be sure to be aware that we are assuming no religious influence, as we are looking at this in reference to the world of Light Yagami—but the middle ground which develops rules to maintain the best response for humanity as a whole. We only, in a non-religious system, decide that killing is immoral simply because it benefits us most if we do. Likewise for stealing and cheating and lying. We build into our “humanity” these morals as a heritage of intelligently designed rules which provide for the safety of humanity, or ourselves among a world filled with humans, and the survival of our species—an inherent goal of living beings. In this manner, consider Light Yagami’s morals. He, given this essential Ring of Gyges, chooses to redefine standard morality. The old system is dead. No longer does the world need to rely on this outdated method of survival. He can do it through fear and power alone. He has the power. (It is important for you to try and forget your morals for a little while trying to understand this… his world is not our own… I feel it is necessary to say that I do not condone murder and I am in fact VERY in favor of our current moral system… but I live here in the real world, not in that of the Death Note). That said, it comes down to number-crunching. What creates the best system, which makes us more happy as a whole… do criminals deserve to be counted in this system? With religion out of the question, human dignity doesn’t really fit into the argument. It is disturbing, but Light’s reality is all he has to deal with. I think we should consider his actions with his situation and world in mind, not our own.

Short verse of 20-25~ mins

Sat, 17 Nov 2012 23:38:14 -0800

As my state weakens and my hold on reality seems to fade, dreams which once where so distinct from reality seem an acceptable substitution in the depths of my mind. Dream and reality… When do we walk from one into the other and awaken truly? How can we know? These are questions I try to grapple with, but the problem is obfuscated by the ostentatious or otherwise presentation of reality multiplied by two and these worlds collide. Worlds flowing together like tributaries into a river, one that consumes all order and distinction recognized before. How does one pick these water droplets, these disconnected thoughts, actions, dreams, and memories from its own container? Truly we live in a world within our own heads, and in that world lays another one. When the waxy coating dividing these inner layers melts, what can we call to resurrect it? Truth itself is blurred. However, despite our conceptions of the horizon which the truth lies on, It is not the presence of truth which matters, but our innermost ability to define it. Rationale is forgotten in wake of chaos. Indiscriminant use of memory and recall fuels this. It drives us into depression if we aware of these happenings, bliss if we are not. The only choice? Break through. Hit solid ground where there is none. Make solid ground. Use high-class alien technology to ultraheat and instantly cool the flowing processes of the inner self. Learn to ignore what can be done and what cannot—such distinctions are perverse and useless in such a state. Through everything out of the window in favor of empiricism and find yourself because of it. Better yet, make yourself. … I woke up from a dream. The realest dream I had ever had. Who am I? Where am I? Where has the time gone? What is me? What is the world? These questions which once (once?... once when?) seemed the essence of triviality were all so real. Were these other people just like me or was I simply a brain in a vat—a matrix of synthetic emotion and feeling. I guess some might say I found myself. I like to think I realized myself and found others...

Hmmmmmm

Thu, 20 Sep 2012 19:40:11 -0700

I dont really have much to say. Writing a 3-4k word essay over the next few days, hoping it doesnt come out bad we will see, I'm trying other than that not much to say. My dog seems to be getting less fat. I need some big drama in my life. Something fantastic and worrying, but childish enough that it doesn't really matter much past adding something to worry/care about. Played a game of LoL for the first time in over 3 weeks. Went pretty well (was riven mid), but it is so thrilling to play again (seriously, heart beat way up for some reason) radaradradaradaradarada, I am prolly gonna watch an ep of Only Love tonight. Maybe do some math or play some LoL... we will see (actually I will see and you wont, but w/eeee) I like the voices. Fun lyrics as always with these types of songs.

Today... What ABOUT today?

Wed, 19 Sep 2012 20:50:50 -0700

Today was an interesting day. I guess it was pretty long and boring with work and school for basically the whole thing, but I am remodeling my room (sort of, moving and adding some furniture) to make room for my developing laptop/monitor/speaker/external setup. Hoping to get a second external sometime, maybe about a week from now. Maybe 2 weeks. That said, my devious plot is unfolding purrrrfectly (buahahahaaha, take cat references out of nowhere!) *strokes cat on lap* I'm planning on taking some steps back and away from Swa for about two weeks until the new and improved cycle is implemented. I need to dedicate that time to writing my EE and other schoolwork that piles up. Math and Bio will both be time-soaks for the next few weeks (math for the rest of the year, but bio just for about a month for now) Sudden burst of spirit and willingness to put forward the effort to be good at math... we will see. I sway madly and often between these feelings, but I am aware of the fact at the very least. I long for the time when I will have daily time to playing video games and watching anime. Winter Break cant come fast enough. And then spring break and then summer. But once I'm in college I plan on having the time to do these things (my brother always seems to find the time to ^^). And its not like I will have exhausted much of my PTW list at all (my HIGH priority list exceeds 120 along, with another 130 devoted to medium and 120-130 for low, which I will intersperse throughout watching my high priority ones so as not to whittle it down too fast) I plan on having enough GOOD anime to watch to last me throughout college at a stead rate (I would have to do some math, but I think I have something like 3000-4000 hours of anime I plan to watch) And I want to pick up something else so anime doesnt get monotonous and has some alternative. I'm thinking League of Legends again. I haven't played in a few weeks, but I am mid 1600 elo (I vary from 1640-1660 pretty stably, 1620 on my off periods) And I hope to have fun with that. And I want to get int oa good college, the U of M Twin Cities or UW Madison would both be good options, but what for? Teaching? Computer Science? Engineering? Finance/Economics? I will decide sooner or later I guess. OH And I wanted to get back into writing a bi-weekly anime review as well. I plan on doing that starting the first week of October. Maybe the second if I dont find the time/willingness in the first week. I was fairly please with my Maison Ikkoku review, but my main problem is that I write for myself too much. I write what is in my head, and some things dont seem to translate that well to others. I have that problem in English class as well, but I feel more free to care less and write freely in my own reviews, so look forward to that. haha, I feel like I am adressing an audience, though I'm sure that only like 3-4 people will ever read this. Oh and Joe, If you are reading this, stop creeping and just call me. Song of the day: Nice and uplifting. Not so much a listener to words, that's me! Still, I love the tune, voice, flow, and feel of this song. Poets of the Fall are one of the few bands whose lyrics I actually listen to! Oh, and DO comment if you read this. Tell me something new, something fresh, something opinionated!

Going to start blogging! Here Goes!

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 14:34:17 -0700

So throughout my life, building as my experience of Junior and Senior years in high school go on, I have tried deep to dig at what really defines my goals in life. In short, I want to be happy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Happiness_Hypothesis Anyway, sitting there, attempting to do math that would give babies cancer (Ap calc B on steroids + trig and stats) and I realized something about myself: I don't like being bad at things. I much prefer to learn things that I dont know than work through things I am aware of but cannot grasp. Anyway, that was just a personal reflection type thing (will help me in the search for a major in college, hehe) Follow your bliss, so they say. Anyway, today was pretty exciting other than that moment of self discovery. Ordered my 1920x1080, 23inch, HDMI compatible monitor today, and an HDMI cord as well as a 25ft Ethernet cord. Pretty excited to game and watch anime on that with my new speakers as well. Other than that, nothing much. Talked with people I like but am nothing more than acquaintances with. Planned to watch some anime with a closer friend. Told another friend his tastes were silly (in a half-joking matter, I think he needs to expand his boundaries) and lived my usual non-dramatic life. I really feel like I missed out on the big drama of high school, the whole high school relationship thing, school dances, and on. I never did any of that. Up until recently I though all that crap was stupid (I kinda still do), but now I am getting more and more of the feeling, especially as I am preparing to leave high school forever, that I missed out on something irrevocable. It is a deep feeling of loss actually, despite being about something pretty darn stupid... Oh well... I like Poets of the Fall because, in addition to good rhythms and sound, they have good lyrics. This one fits today (again, not trying to be super sappy, but it is what it is) OH, and I need to start finishing my "watching" anime list so I can start watching some of the higher priority stuff I wanted to watch. (Tokimeki Memorial being the first one I want to finish. Pretty decent harem. Was silly and funny in the first few eps, but that died off and gave way to extremely bland and weak characters in the last 3 eps I have watched... Hope it picks up, maybe at a 4 atm. maaaaybe a 5.)