Namekian, who's not named King Piccolo... or Kami... or NAAAAAAAIIILLL... lands on Earth, and freezes everything over - something, that Frieza would do, if judged by the name... He wants dragon thingies so he can be young again. Sounds familiar? Carrot and the gang are having non of it, since Piccolo is supposed to be the handsomest Jolly Gree Giant on Earth, and so they start throwing their lives, limbs and kids at them, till the Piccolo 2.0 starts to erect... ehm, grow, and break shit - pretty basic stuff... nothing to get excited over. Some expositon in under a one minute happens, some flexing and flailing, Piccolo rips his ears off... what?! Once again, the bad guys are "surprisingly" inadept to kill the Carrot cake, and Piccolo gets finally some touch n' feel on his fellow namekian... slugdemon... pokemon-reject... thing? Asses are being pulled... humans are once again just a mear punchingbags... do Piccohan-fans finally wet their pants all at once?! Rated dirty R for antenna-pulling. Better not see it - namekians can't apparently even cum... just like their fans can't.
This movie is only 50-minutes long turd of a wasted money, and some Piccohan-fanfiction - I had to google that term! - and it took me over 3 hours to finish - I'm not even kidding! Still, I feel like I have to be honest, so I'm gonna say it... namekians are kinda cool! Bearing that in mind, I was kinda excited, when I noticed, that the villain of the "story", is yet another alien - namekian, if you didn't already guessed - and I was of course hoping, that just once... just freaking once, Piccolo of all people... aliens, would be the Hero of the Day, and save the Earth - more or less - since his latest attempt to save the world, was to allow it's inhabitants to be turned into candy, by some pink blop! Or... future attempt, was it? Oh, what the heck, some redemption would do some good for this guy anyway! But honestly, I could already see it now actually happening! Two namekians, green against bigger green, fighting for something, and so on! That would've been cool, and it would've brought something new to the table, as well as possibly expanding Piccolos already almost-non-existant character! But no! Of course, this movie had to be yet another Fanporn- movie, dedicated to Goku-wanks, and oh my, does it stink!
What I first noticed, while watching this... movie, is that a thinner-than-wallpaper- type of stories seems to really be the biggest trademark of DBZ - like the fans would mind about the story, right?! I actually counted down the actual "story-mode" of this movie, that I did, and it turned out to be only about 15 minutes, with rest of the movie being... you guessed it! Fighting, gawking at terror, more fighting, and oh, so very, very awful dialog! I mean... really bad dialog! Cringeworthy! So bad, that not even a porn-movie, would be proud about it... and this movie, is a Fanporn-movie! And it still is such a short movie! Hey! Idea! What if... instead of wasting my time, into all of this boasting, fighting and all this "Ah! He's so strong! I can't beat him! We're doomed!" bullshit, why not... now stay with me... actually give us some actual backstory, for our main villain?! You know... the villain, that seems to be even more hated, that Broly?! The whole quarter of the "story", that ever took place in this movie, was pretty much just about our villain, but the problem was... he didn't do anything! The way I saw it, he, Lord Slug that is, just came - not that way! - crashed into the scene, sat there like a tool, keeped acting like a tool, is later the actual tool, and then, right at the atmost last moment, we're given this under-minute- long backstory about him, and why he's doing all... that what he's doing! That's not a story! That's just some... really pathetically weak writing... at most and/or it's best! Weak, and stupid... much like this franchise, as a whole! Even his big plans were treated most of the time, like some throw-away- jokes, not to be taken seriously, and to be honest... that's how I felt! Nothing was serious, nothing had any meaning, and yet another wish, from a Deux ex Machina, was wasted, into pure idiotism! Someone... take those wreaking balls out of their hands - no pun intented! - and let's see, if the actual story would ever take in place!
Another problem, was... the villain, himself. Not that bad of a villain, honestly.... more like a Piccolo, on steroids. He's supposed to be this "ultimate ruler of the universe" - not Frieza, apparently - but really... he has absolutely nothing, on his name! We don't know him, his character, or his story! His just evil, for the sake of it, and nothing else! And what's up with that stupid weakness of his - whistling?! And Piccolo, too?! Really?! You can take these space-monkeys, screaming at you, and to each other, for like 15-minutes straight in constipation, and blowing shit up left and right, but you can't take couple of minutes, of some teeny whistling?! Wow! That's just... wow! And speaking of space-monkeys... why did we needed Goku, to be a hero to begin with in this film?! No, I know the answer! To give fans more reasons, to wank... but that's not the point! The point is, that this was clearly a bloodfeud, between namekians from opposite spectrums, with one of them being... not so big of a doucheback, than the second! No third hands needed here! Let them clean up their own shit... and rather somewhere else, than this God-forsaken Hellhole-Earth, please!
This movie felt like some stupid filler-episode, that was just mayde even too stupid, to put in actual tv-series, and that's saying alot! It had absolutely no story, very little plot - if any - and throw-away- villain, with no actual story of his own, character, or motives. Everything was too easy either to accomplish, or fix back to normal, so that very little consequense was left behind... if any - casualties of humanlives, and enviromental catastrophies are something, that this wolrd learnd to live with, and accept ages ago! I truly hate it, when our "heroes" treat the threaths of their homeworld, like some sort of everyday-happenings, like a stroll down the lane in a park at sunday-afternoons, and they even dare to laugh at it in the end! Some heroes! What about all those people, that I'm sure were killed, in the process?! Did they ever came back to live, or is it more important for Oolong, to wish another pair of pants?! And what about all that enviromental damage? Whatca gonna do with that?! Nothin'? Kay!
This is one of the purest Fanporn-movies, that I've seen, in a while. No story needed, 'cause who wants one of those - not the fans, right?! Plot is very light, like a cloud, made out of... thoughts, not water, and the villain's so stupid, and boring, that you don't remember him, right after this movie ends... if at all. What you get, is just some fighting, and... yeah, nothing else. Or, if you're a yaoi-fan, you can get something out of Piccohan - seriously, is that a real thing?! - but other than that... I wouldn't recommend this movie to anybody! Not even those, who are stupid enough, to watch these bad anime movies, and then write how bad they are! Like I said, this movie is a filler... or a demo-version of a storymode, for a Street Fighter. Don't expect to get anything good out of this, even if you actually like DBZ.
For once, the fans were right about something - this is one of the worst movies, this franchise has to offer... which is really, really bad!
Story: 1
Art: 3
Sound: 2
Characters: 1
Enjoyment: 1
Overall: 1
