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Notice: This review contains both a story summary and "spoilers" (if you so wish) all for the sake of good fun
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Good morning, Guess desu. I will be your sports commentator for the day. We have a packed schedule this morning, starting off with Konoha's Annual Sports Festival. I will be following you through this event and hope it will be a fruitful day, so let us begin!

First off, we can see the camera taking a quick look at the Dattebayo tent that they have set up outside of the stadium. There appears to be a sign. Let me read it for those of you illiterary out there; "worst bit of Naruto storytelling that has ever been written", wow, that's harsh. Let's see... "Additionally, it does not fit into the storyline at all. It makes the Tea Country arc look like Citizen Kane". I do not know what kind of storytelling they are talking about, and what these "arcs" are either, but perhaps that is just how Dattebayo is. As always, laughable trolls. Speaking of the Tea Country, I heard they just made an alliance with the Claw country, following their declaration of war on Konoha, also known by its name the Fire Country. Oh oh oh, I would not want to be the Fire Country now, no no.

And so it has begun, in the front of the pack we can see. Why, yes, that is Team 7! Sakura seems to be saying that the winners of this festival will get a paid vacation for a whole week! Though they seem motivated by that I honestly did not even know they got paid. I don't get either how child-labour works together with such a noble goal as becoming Hokage - come on Naruto, why waste time here? I know you can be Hokage, stand up to the sytem! Don't let them take advantage of you!

Moving along.. oh, there went Naruto, has he problems with his stomach? At least we got to see that Sasuke will be participating in this festival with us. Go Sasuke! I have wished so dearly for you to meet with your brother so you can avenge your clan's miserable fate. Oh, now the camera is following Naruto again. Yes, again. Let us not waste a moment of time without him on camera. He seems to be searching for a toilet. Wait?! Is that not two members from the 'club in flowery dresses'? Sasuke, this is your moment, avenge your clan! Oh no, how pitiful, the camera is so focused on Naruto that what actually matters is lost. It about makes me cry, that all other characters is neglected...

I'm just kidding, let's return to watch Naruto find himself a poo-poo spot. Oh, oh! Actually, the race has begun and Naruto is running as fast as he can. He keeps running, but now seemingly in search for a, yes, toilet. But no! He falls flat on his face. Hahaha, now now, you can't get humour like that just from anywhere. Ah, would you believe it? He said Dattebayo again. How many times has he said this now? Is anyone keeping count? Did the egg or the hen come first? These are truly questions that need be answered.
As I have always told my colleagues, there is no Datte without some Bayo!... Yes, yes, I know, they tell me it make no sense either.

After a quick chat with Hinata we are now back on the obstacle course. Indeed it was a very quick chat... Hm, actually, I timed it, and it was longer than her screentime on this fictional show called Snippuuden which has been airing now for 75 episodes. Oh, look at me rant about something completely irrelevant. After Chouji the fat finished his milk Naruto bravely and heroicly drank his too. Naruto, I know that you will be Hokage, keep it up!

The camera switches to, why, could it be? Yes, it is Naruto searching for a toilet. And there is one too... WHAT? A completely unexpected turn of events - Chouji the fat slams into them and completely wipes them out. I am telling you viewer, be sure, there is not action like this anywhere but here.

Continuing on, Naruto does his supercool move: Kage bunshin no Jutsu! Naruto seems to be using this method to up his chances of getting a toilet, but wait, what? The clones need to use the bathroom too? It's like a poo-extravaganza! Naruto recalls his clones with a beautiful little *poof*, but now it seems like he can't enter the toilets because they were locked from the inside. Damn those clones! It's okay Naruto, Rasengan these toilet doors' to tidbits! Smash them, crush them! Show them who's boss! That, or just use a normal move to get inside. Oh sorry, I get ahead of myself, you have no other moves. I spoke clumsily, my mistake.

Oh, well, looks like Naruto is carried to the 'track and field'. Aaaand, the race has begun! We see several finely shaped women.. Haha, no, no, that is just my way of jest. I mean, 'several childish girls who have yet to have achieved adolescence, but who gladly will murder for supposed money' - has now begun running to win this all-important contest... Sakura switches off with Sasuke... and Sasuke is making his way round the lap... and is about to switch with Naruto! ... And! Shoves the baton up his be-hind. I feel the beginning of a NaruSasu, and so does the crowd, going wild over this unexpected and sudden confession. But did we not all already know?... Moving along, Naruto makes his way around the lap very quickly, and, and, YES, HE WINS!!

Oh, and that concludes it for us. Team 7 has won. I hope you enjoyed this wonderful sunny day of the Konoha Sports Festival as much as I did. Take good care of yourself!
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(1/10 - this is THE worst shit I have ever watched, I feel vomit coming up every time it is mentioned) read more

Ikkitousen: A poor attempt at action, or a drivel of goo at your shoes?

Ikkitousen is not your regular anime, as it masterfully and elegantly sets itself apart from others by being as unoriginal as it can be. Not a common sight in the world of anime today you might conclude and nod, and most everyone can only but concur. Indeed, it is so awful for its genre that even animes that reek of incompetence and utter failure, laugh and triumphantly raise their arms in victory, when compared to this piece of cancer in your lung.

It might not kill you, true, but then again, it might...

Story: 18/100
Story you ask in a manner that is much similar to those who try to resurrect the dead. Story you ask in a manner much very similar to those who strain themselves with effort, becoming exhausted from the sheer pressure of forcibly trying to travel in time with only their minds. Indeed, you are wasting your time, go look elsewhere. As long as you are in this realm you will neither time-travel as likely as you will find a grain of story in this anime. As this anime throws about ideas of books and "chosen ones" with their own made-up words, forcing a community of their own into existence within the anime and finding it logical to make one character fight the next to fight the next to fight the next - indeed, it makes not much sense, none of it, ever. As the anime is coming to a close it tries to no avail to connect all the dots and gather around all the strings, but by then everyone already knows that there is no point trying to make a memorable story from that which never was. It is as foolish as trying to make a car appear in front of your eyes with only a pen at your disposal. This anime tries to redeem its lack of story by a string of events in the end, but horribly fails to do so.

Art: 45/100
There are no qualms to be had with the art, at all; it is decent for its age and for its budget, and does its best with what it has.

Sound 36/100
Both the opening and the ending was awkward to say the least, neither was memorable nor catchy. Definitely not anything to set ones ears on. The music throughout the anime was not memorable either, but the seiyuus (voice-actors) were actually quite okay. Truly, not expected but pleasantly true though.

Character 22/100
Most remarkably no characters you will fall head over heels for, and far from actually liking greatly.There is no more to say about this bit, seeing how awful and incomplete it is, to begin with.

Enjoyment 27/100
Although being a complete waste of time, those who are prone to fanservice will delight in this anime. To give this anime some compliments you can actually only but agree that the fanservice was not too horrible, although remarkably misplaced and foolish.

Overall
Pointless and stupid. read more

Cute Cute Adventure? you think. Cute Cute Adventure! I say.

Not often have I been able to make a review that is longer than the thing being reviewed. But today I can gladly triumph at my victory. Being at least no longer than 12 minutes, this is probably the shortest OVA I have ever watched.

Can this OVA be viewed as a stand-alone? Hardly, you definitely need to have watched Full Moon wo Sagashite to even begin to understand the content and the events in Cute Cute Adventure. If you're reading about this OVA without having seen Full Moon wo Sagashite you're in the wrong place. Begin with watching Full Moon wo Sagashite (which is highly recommended may I add) before you even consider watching this OVA.

Having said all of this, let's get down to the meat. For an OVA, and for Full Moon wo Sagashite in particular - the story is indeed quite below poor. Taking into consideration that the OVA is under 12 minutes however it is easy to conclude that a magnificent story wasn't on the directors' minds when they made it. The OVA is made for more character screen-time alone, and probably not even in the slightest anything else. Actually, which should also be noted, the title makes a good summarization of the contents - kawaii kawaii Adventure. It's cute, and I reckon some of those who have watched Full Moon wo Sagashite will appreciate that.

The art is like that of Full Moon wo Sagashite, no complaints at all (I can't give a 10-minute OVA a score over 5 though). It's enjoyable.

The sound is, oh, I don't remember if it was the same as the original Full Moon wo Sagashite - but surely it wasn't bad. You won't be able to hear much song variation in a 10-minute clip though, so it never really matters.

Overall, it's enjoyable enough. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it (notice that 3 rate) but to those who find Meroko and Takuto and Mitsuki cute in whatever "adventure" they're thrown into I can imagine that watching this OVA will be an enjoyable ride. For those who never really fancied the humour and "kawaiiness" of Full Moon wo Sagashite (no matter if you enjoyed the anime as a whole or not) could still watch this OVA. It's horrible I said? Well, that's true, but it's under 12 minutes so finding an excuse for not watching the OVA will be difficult enough. At least afterwards you can mark all spin-offs derived from Full Moon wo Sagashite off. read more

Akane Maniax, almost to be considered a "sort of " sequel to the Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien (Rumbling Hearts) anime. Of course, this is only for recognition and this OVA is to be treated as an OVA and nothing else - it is only a spinoff.

I'd be happy to consider if I'm being biased towards my opinion on this show, since I have afterall watched Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien earlier and grown accustomed to the characters; coincidentally, in particular Akane Suzumiya. With that said, it should not come in the way of judging this anime objectively, since it is rather hard not to treat it as a stand-alone anime. Why do I say this? Afterall, it does include references to Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien, and some of these references cannot even be fully understood without watching said anime, particularly references about previous relationship(/-issues) - but having said that, Akane Maniax doesn't incorporate these references to their fullest making the story a quite bit awkward mix of "OVA"/"spinoff". To me, it was however quite difficult to treat it completely as an OVA, and at times Akane Maniax even assumes that the audience hasn't seen Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien to begin with.

Having treated it as a stand-alone anime, judging its story was not difficult at all, since it is quite horrendous.. Judging it firmly based on its own soil, its own attempt to be a story - conclusion is obvious. No, the story isn't anything to write home about, but maybe that wasn't what the directors were aiming for either. No matter if you see it as a "sort of sequel", following Gouda's attempts at getting Akane's heart, or as a stand-alone anime where a certain unknown character is attempting at getting a certain known character's heart - you really never get to the point that you care or wish that you cared. Not even having a slight bias for Akane, a character which I dearly took fancy to in Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien, do I ever begin to wish that I cared for her life or love-life. Again, you ask yourself whether or not the directors were really trying to aim to achieve a love-story of the century with a very lovable character. I think not, and I think you won't either, if you're about to watch the show. With this said, the story is indeed poor and it does not get better - but remember that it is only an OVA, and should maybe only be considered viewing after watching Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien-- for that little extra Akane screen-time, not forgetting the extra touch of fanservice that is oh so typical, but perhaps nothing that should be complained about in this case.

Getting to the art, it is not bad at all. If you watched Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien you will notice that the art is not different enough to warrant any complaints. Of course, having said this it is nothing 'special' or out of the ordinary. This, is nothing to complain about.

The music, was forgettable. Both intro and extro, gosh, I don't remember it even now. But I remembered not having any arguments with it and so it was enjoyable in a slight degree. Sadly, it is all too hard to judge something you don't remember too well. Forgettable but enjoyable.

The characters were not bad at all, although all too odd. And now I'm not even talking about Gouda. Whilst red hair and blue hair isn't impossible to get (I'm talking about Akane and Mits(z?)uki in particular) and was seen in Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien - the appearances of some of the characters in Akane Maniax is wildly out of tune. It does afterall happen in the same 'world' as Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien so not judging it based on that would be unfair, even if the story can be judged as a stand-alone. So, going to the wildly out of tune characters I suddenly see a girl in pink hair with nekoneko (I mean cat, excuse me) appearances. It felt odd, like she didn't belong there. She was pleasant to watch, and although she of course didn't have much lines in a 3-episode OVA, you can still forgive her. But in the world of Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien, it did feel somewhat wrong. Akane I've already covered, she is pleasant, although not the breath of fresh air she wasn't a character trying to be someone she wasn't from the beginning, so this is all in tune - and indeed the Akane Suzumiya we know from Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien. The protagonist (or, really?) in the show, Gouda, who we follow - is however crazy, and as stated in other places I felt too that he was oddly placed. His humour and wild imagination is however the only "great" thing about this OVA, and is perhaps the only reason besides Akane screen-time (if you like it) to watch this anime as it is quite amusing sometimes, bordering on insane (still, funny). Thus, the anime's enjoyment is raised a notch, and whilst the anime isn't great you probably still won't hate it enough. It's enjoyable to a certain degree, owing to the director's wish to make it a comedy. Love-story? No. Comedy? Kinda. And still pleasant enough not to hate.

Still pleasant enough not to hate? That sounds harsh, but I really felt that way. My own personal recommendation however would be that, if you are going to watch this show, at least watch Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien first (if you haven't yet you really need to anyway) and only consider this OVA as a little bit of extra cream on the cake. read more