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I remember the first time I had ever heard of Twilight. It was my freshman year of high school and some friends and I were sitting around shooting the shit and someone made a mention of vampires. Since there were girls there and me being the dumb teenage boy I was, I tried to sound badass by saying “I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ll get some holy water, a cross, a steak and we’ll be fine.” My friend who we will refer to as ScreamingCrazyTwilghtLoverSpendingEverydayStaringLonginglyAtHerEdward/BellePosterWhileWritingCreepyFanFictionsAboutGettingButtProbedByJacob or Twatzilla for short gave me a look like I just shat myself and tried to wipe the excrement on her leg and stupidly replied with “That won’t do anything.” I was dumbfounded. “What do you mean it won’t do anything? That’s what you use to kill vampires.” Twatzilla continued to give me this look like I had grown a third head out of my chest and it was cursing at her in some sort of alien language just insisted that “No you can’t kill a vampire like that.” Twatzilla then went on to explain all of the nuances of the Twilight saga to me as I continued contemplating the quickest way to make her shut her stupid fucking mouth.

Well thankfully Shiki has nothing to do with that Twilight fagifying of vampires where they’re just a bunch of mopey emo disco balls. They are by the book steak to the heart, can’t go out in sun light, and must be invited in vampires. This may sound a bit spoiler-ish but one of the genres for the series straight up says “vampire” so if you didn’t know that already you probably are the kind of person who likes to huff paint for fun.
Now I believe that story is pretty much generic. Some vampires move in, people start disappearing, a group of people who aren’t pants on head retarded figure it out but no one believes them yada yada yada. So basic vampire affair but it does get some points in my book for keeping it to the traditional vampires but Shiki does take some liberties with vampires any way. Like remember how Dracula used to dress like he had just gotten off working the register at the local Hot Topic? Well these vampires tend to walk around in street clothes which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but when one in particular vampire we’ll just call her Whore-Tits McGee walks around in such little clothing that she would almost certainly be called out for public indecency you’ve done something wrong. Another thing that’s a bit fucked up is the hair of most characters, both humans and vampires alike. A disturbing amount of characters in Shiki seem to do their hair by stepping into a wind tunnel full of hairspray and moose, it almost makes me wonder if there isn’t some chemical in the water that cause everyone’s hair to have so some sort of weird erection. Then there is the one vampire who’s built up to be like an unstoppable badass and could be used to great effect in scarring the shit out of people but he looks like he has two stalagmites growing out of his head which he is trying desperately to cover up with his hair and he dresses and acts a complete fag. I laughed out loud in one scene where he rode up on a motorcycle in some sort of maroon button up leather outfit that I would image a transsexual lesbian would wear and the best part was he had on a pair of sunglasses that could only be described as douche goggles and it was night time.
One of the biggest let downs in Shiki is that it has a very inconsistent tone. Near the beginning it has a really creepy morbid feeling to it which I really found entertaining. It truly unnerving to see a girl previously thought dead to show up under your friend’s bed and proceed to suck his blood without you being able to do anything about it. But then it starts to get more generic. It gets bogged down a lot with tons of worthless characters that I don’t give a shit about and the worst part is when tragedy befalls them, they try to make you feel bad. It’s really quite sad because what could have been a morbid depressing moment turns laughable because the characters are so poorly written I almost jump with joy every time one of them bites the dust in a gruesome way which probably reflects poorly on me as a person but that’s beside the point. A lot of the middle of the show is spent wandering around in boredom waiting for everyone else to figure out what’s going on even though it is painfully obvious. During the majority of the series it seems like nothing is happening like the series is just treading water trying to bide its time till the ending
And the ending incidentally is the worst part of this series. Now imagine that an anime is like a stuffed crust pizza. Shiki is a pizza that starts of delicious with your choice of unsettling toping but as you go one it start to taste like cardboard and then when you get to the crust you find that it’s stuffed with a bunch of used condoms. So to sum it up Shiki is about a bunch of dodleing retards and flamboyant vampires fapping about doing nothing of interest.
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Now this review will be a review for both seasons of the Meloncholy of Haruhi Suzumiya because let's be honest they aren't two seasons: they are two parts of the same anime and some retarded squid on the commitee decided to air a half finished series and then go back years later and finish the rest of it, but to be fair to anyone who hasn't watched either season this review will contain no spoilers.

Well what can I say about such a well know and popular series? Oh that right it's stupid and over-rated as shit. I've heard so many good things about this series I thought it would grip me balls from start to finish and leave me queitly wimpering for more. But as it stands it's just plain bad.

The story is a complete joke, not a funny one either. I went into this completely blank on the story and at first I thought it was going to be a typical high school anime, but then the story takes a turn at the corner of Bat Shit and Crazy and I was genuinely surprised and I thought to myself "Maybe this will be actually really good." The rest of the story is told in arcs form after every characters gets their "Who the fuck are you and what do you have to do with anything" time over and done with. The thing was from there it starts into an arc that was completely insane and Haruhi was on the fast track to being in my favorite anime list but then it just goes down hill from there. The arcs from then on out ditch the aforementioned intruigue and get really boring really fast dropping most of the awsome premises to take a lovely stole down Shitty Lane. Now arc based story telling isn't always bad but the fact that it was completed years later by people I assume had only read the Cliff notes of the first season really does show. The tone and focus of the story never stays in one place like a druken hobo. And the ending... OH the ending. The ending is supposed to bring closure and wrap everything up but this ending leaves me feeling like a lot of women leave Bieber's room, completely unsatisfied.

This isn't helped by the characters being absolutely horrendous. Haruhi Suzumiya, the bitch who this series is named for, is probably one of the most annoying characters to blight anime possible over. She is completly spoiled and gets whatever the fuck she wants and treats everyone around her like shit. The worst part is there are glimpses of Haruhi being a truely sweet girl underneath her completely unlikeable personality but then it's buried under the fact that the rest of the time I'd prefer to smash her face in with a wooden mallet then listen to the fecal water slide flooding from her mouth.
Then there is Mikuru Asahina who is fairly unique in the fact that I hated her even more then Haruhi. To put it in perspective, if I hated Haruhi so much I wanted to burry her six feet under I'd like to tie a cinderblock around Mikuru's ankle and give her a one way ticket to the bottom of the Marianas Trench. All she does is get bullied by Haruhi, cry like a new born infant, and then FUCKING FAN SERVICE EVERYWHERE!
There is also Itsuki Koizumi who isn't near as bad but he just gets annoying because he just constantly smiles and bends over to take it up the pooper from Haruhi.
Yuki Nagato is alright. She's pretty quiet and reads a lot, nothing annoying here.
The last and most enjoyable character is Kyon. Now he's the only one that Haruhi hasn't got completely wrapped around her finger. He's not afraid to tell Haruhi she's wrong. Kyon also give alot of narration to the series which does alot of good calming me down after Haruhi's constant bitching makes me want to throw my computer out my window. If it wasn't for him I'd have dropped this terrible series like the moist turd it is.

Now the art for this series happens to be pretty good. The only thing I noticed is that the season from 2006 seemed to have better animation the the series from 2009 which just proves that society is only getting shittier. It's most noticed in Haruhi's completely hateable face. Its rather ugly and punchable in the 2009 season but 2006 series it actually looks pretty darn cute that is until she opens her fucking mouth causes an insatiable urge to shove a sock down her throat. The sound is alright but definately not used to its full potential. That first arc I mentioned had great mood music along with totally being awsome but the series never really uses it very well after that point. The English voice actors do a pretty good job at least.

The bottom line is this series is one that starts off solid but then its bones emulsify and it turned into racid pile of used tapons. It got so boring at points I broke out my phone and started playing solitare and if you're trying to escape from your escapism then there is something wrong. Now feel free to comment on my profile telling how I'm wrong. read more

D.N.Angel is a series that truely does get better later. Too bad its kind of annoying getting there.

Story 7/10

I think that the story of D.N.Angel is a very interteresting concept. A boy (Niwa) who on his 14th birthday has another being awaken inside him (Dark) who then preceeds to go on an art crime spree. But early on in the series the main plot is bogged down with some stupidity. For example Niwa is only suppose to change into Dark when he sees his unrequited love Risa but they drop that later on and Dark pretty much shows up whenever he wants. They also do way too many early art robberies that have nothing to do with the main plot and it really detracts from the overall feeling of progression of the series, its almost episodic in nature making it feel like the series won't amount to anything which actually is queit wrong. They dwell way to much on the sub plots that the main plot is kind of burried until around halfway through the series. BUT the series main plot does kick in expecially near the last 6-10 episodes it really does make up for the early on lameness and left smiling

Art 8/10

Now seeing as this series is getting up there in years the animation is kind of a bit out dated not looking as crisp and clean as newer anime. But this series does impliment some pretty impressive CGI that really does add a new demension to the visuals. but the problem is that the CGI is not really used often enough or effectively enough usually just being used for the occational building.
Sound 8/10
FYI the english dub of this series is pretty much horrid. The person who does Niwa is absolutely terrible at conveying emotions. Watch it in Japanese its way better. The music of the series really pretty and does a very good job emphisising the emotions at the time leading to some pretty memorable moments, but again they don't do it often enough and i feel it really could be used more. The opening song is also really great. One thing I noticed early on is that the series sound fx were really quiet lacking, just didn't have any weight to them, and in some points it really detracts from the action going on on screen.

Character 7/10

Now the characters are a bit of a mixed bag. Niwa is kind of a dope yet kind and likeable young man coming of age. The biggest problem i have with him is he is portayed early on to have been training for his days as Dark and is actually quite competant but later in the series he becomes pretty much helpless. His alter ego, Dark, is a very powerful entity that have been living in the DNA of Niwa family for a while now. He is really quite smooth and he's really quite entertaining and steals the spot light everytime he's on screen. but halfway through he kind of gets thrown to the back and is ignored which i didn't like. Risa is a pretty young lady that Niwa has a massive crush on early on. She is kind of shallow but still likeable. Riku is Risa's twin sister. She is very different from her sister Risa being a Barbie and Risa more of a tomboy but she is still a likeable character. These 4 kind of have a love quadrangle going on but it doesn't really get all that well established, being pushed to the back by more pointless things, before its blatantly obvious what's going to happen in the end. Then there is Hiwatari, Niwa's classmate. Hiwatari is a smart young but he has the same problem as Niwa that he also has an alter ego Krad who, unlike Dark, is much more molevolent and Hiwatari is constantly fighting with for control of his body. Now Hiwatari and Niwa are suppose to be portayed as great friends and Dark and Krad are bitter rivial fighting whenever they see each other. But Hiwatari and Niwa's relationship never really gets well defined, again falling victum to sub-plot crap, so their relationship seems a bit forced and Dark and Krad are both very powerfull entities that make for really awsome fight sequences but the series never really makes the best of it most potential fights never happening and every fight being cut short by Hiwatari. I would have liked them to actually use this for some long and interesting fight sequences but they kind of ignored it which is disappointing.

Enjoyment 8/10

The front half of the series is really marred by all the early heists that really do nothing for the overal plot. Its very boring and kind of discourageing to the point that i would have gave the series a worse score than i did. But near the end all of the relationships are well defined and the action sequeces are awsome with good use of CGI and were so awsome that when it was all over i was really queit satisfied.

Overall 8/10

Although the series suffers early on from a major case of not really focusing on the main relationships and plot which makes it feel like almost nothing is moving forward at all which can lead some people to drop the series, it really does get truely good with moments that i felt were true memorable. These good parts come way to late in the series though which makes it very hard to give a recomendation. I'm being very nice with my ratings but if you can put up with the fairly slow and pointless first half to 3/4th of the series i think that you can truely enjoy the end which i found to be a real treat. read more

THIS WILL CONTAIN SOME SPOILERS: Well Death Note is a very good anime but I feel as though it really does make some really bad choices. The anime is unofficialy broken up in to three parts. The 1st part i felt was very good. It kept a very good tension with the search for the mysterious Kira aka Light Yagami. At one point it had me rooting so hard for Light to figure out this girls name so he could kill her, which i found terribly morbid but it was compelling enough to make me wish death on her. I also found the man leading the search for Kira, L, to be a very fascinating character id like to know more about. The 2nd part, Light actually joins up in the search for Kira, which i felt lost alot of the tension the series had been building up because they started looking for a different Kira. In the 3rd part, again spoiler warning, they kill off L, who i thought was an awsome character and needed some characterization but gets killed off. Then the worst part is that they replace him with some gay kid named Near who i found was trying to be L so fucking hard im surprised he didnt shit himself. Then the biggest insult is he actually catches Light when L could not. Seriously that little shit was nothing compared to L. I wanted him to die sooooo bad. but the ending was emotionaly satisfying shitty Near nonwithstanding. Overall a good anime that wastes a very interesting antagonist. read more