| I've never wrote one of these before, and this is just the start of it... but i'd appreciate if people could rate or just tell me how it sounds, im assuming a lot of people on here read fanfiction... i don't, but my girlfriend does. and i really wanted to write a story entwining 4 of my favourite characters, and apparently that's what a fanfic is aha. anyway; ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Characters; Chikane Himemiya (Kannazuki No Miko) Shizuma Hanazono (Strawberry Panic) Seto Kaiba (Yu-Gi-Oh) Blue (Wolf's Rain) Seto Kaiba has yearly tournaments to determine the 'Duelist of the Year' after he defeated Yugi Moto he got the title of the greatest duelist in the world, and as he realizes, new duelists arrive continuously, and so he created this tournament to keep his title running year after year. This year 3 promising new duelists have made it into the finals; Blue, Shizuma and Chikane. Chikane and Shizuma traveled to America (where KaibaCorp is now based) together after they heard about the great power behind the egyptian god cards and the millenium items. They had followed Kaiba's recent tournaments against Yugi Moto and Marik Ishtar and decided that, with them defeated, Kaiba can not be left alone to waste the powers which he now holds. Chikane has a Winged Beast/Sorcerer deck and holds the millenium necklace, which was handed to her in what seemed like a dream by a mysterious stranger. Shizuma has a Toon World deck, she is obsessed with the work of Pegasus and vows to get the title of greatest duelist in the world in his honor. Blue has recently traveled from Egypt, where she had lived the past few years in an abandoned tomb where she noticed strange things kept happening, she had what may have been a hallucination of a man called Odeon who once knew Marik Ishtar and his sister Ishusu, he explained that they had vanished after their traumatic defeat and no one knows if they are still alive, though Odeon says that they have been banished to the shadow realm because of an evil side in Marik which can not be let back into the world, he continued to say that Ishisu is innocent and that he needs help to bring her soul back and to do that he needs the Millenium Rod and Necklace to be placed back in their original positions in the tomb. Usually, Blue would not include herself in other people's problems as they only bring problem's onto her, but Odeon explained the power behind the Millenium Items and the Shadow Realm, and Blue's greed has taken over her, with Odeon's help she plans to get the Millenium Items. * A mist of people envoloped numerous emormous screens planted around the city, a roar of chatter and footsteps could be heard from miles around and as the screens flickered on to show the face of Seto Kaiba the crowds screamed and bounced; "ATTENTION EVERYONE, MY ANNUAL TOURNAMENT'S FINAL SHALL BEGIN IN LESS THAN A WEEK AND TICKET'S ARE NOW SOLD OUT. IT WILL, HOWEVER, BE AIRED ONTO EVERY SCREEN WHICH YOU NOW SEE ME. THE FINALISTS ARE; CHIKANE, SHIZUMA, BLUE AND MYSELF AND WE WILL BE BATTLING TO PROVE WHO IS THE... DUELIST OF THE YEAR~" the crowds went insane at his last few words and as the screen flickered off they slowly dispersed into stores, cafés, arcades and various other places which have now been marked with the KaibaCorp logo. Down an alley near the central screen near KaibaCorp's building; "Does he really believe that we would come all this way purely for the title?" "He's egotistic and he thinks that by defeating Yugi Moto and Marik Ishtar that he is in control now." A helicopter flies overhead, it's spotlight briefly lighting up the alleyway to show Chikane Himemiya and Shizuma Hanazono leant up against the wall smirking to themselves. Behind a screen Blue smokes sat on a metal ledge looking out over the city rooftops; "I don't even understand fully why i'm here. It was probably a dream, a hallucination which isn't even true. I have yet to even see a single of these 'millenium items' i got told of, which could have been conducted in my imagination anyway. Maybe i'm just bored... well, might as well have some fun while i'm here. That Kaiba guy seems fun, i suppose i'll pay him a visit first." As she stood up she flicked the end of her cigarette off the building and stretched "and i bet i know exactly where he is..." she looked up as a Blue-Eyes White Dragon blimp began making it's decent onto the roof of the KaibaCorp building. Seto Kaiba stepped down from his blimp, his coat russling in the wind, and walked towards Mokuba Kaiba who was stood holding an electronic tablet. Mokuba held the tablet up to his brother and spoke; "this years finalists are really mysterious Seto... i'm a little worried.' Kaiba took the tablet from his little brother's hands and continued walking towards the elevator; "worried? Mokuba, there's little to be worried about. I now hold all three God Cards and the Millenium Rod, no one can stand in my way now. What did you find out about them that has you so distressed?" as they stood in the elevator the doors closed behind them and they began to descend; "Not much... Chikane Himemiya is a from an extremely wealthy family and has had numerous lords request her hand, though she turned them down..." "Spare me the life stories Mokuba. Get to the point." "Well... I believe she holds a millenium item..." "That's impossible. My Millenium Rod is the only item remaining, and even if she did she doesn't understand what it takes to control one, so how is this a problem? if she does hold a real Millenium Item, i shall make it mine. Is that all that's worrying you?" "Mmm... You almost lost your life the last time someone involved with a Millenium Item battled you... Maybe you should be careful..." "Right, Mokuba." He smiled, "what about the others?" "Well, Shizuma Hanazono and Chikane travelled together from Japan... and i could barely find out anything about her... I don't know what her reason for entering the tournament is, she is also from a wealthy family and she couldn't possibly gain anything from this battle..." "Everyone wants to be Duelist of the Year Mokuba, it's one of the most saught after titles in the whole world, along with president and king. What more is there to understand?" "She's travelling with someone who holds a Millenium Item Seto... so maybe she is also involved with them aswell...?" "If there is a Millenium Item, It is stolen, and if she attempts to use it it will either destroy her or just won't work. These people are coming with greed, because they want more than what they already have. I built my empire myself, they got handed their titles out of blood, that makes me superior Mokuba, you have nothing to worry for." "... and the third finalist is even more of a mystery... she's just travelled from Egypt..." "and? many people go to Egypt Mokuba, it's hardly a mystery." "but don't you think it's a little strange..." "No." Kaiba spoke firmly as he stepped out of the elevator, leaving Mokuba behind him. "Make arrangements for them to meet at my blimp when the time for the finals is nearing, i shall see them for myself, and i will defeat them and continue to be the greatest duelist in the world." The elevator doors closed and sent Mokuba descending, as Kaiba walked into his office he threw the electronic tablet onto his deck and looked out of his window at his empire. He thought to himself; "A Millenium Item? A mysterious traveller from Eqypt? It may just be a coincidence, but i must head Mokuba's findings and tread carefully." he smiled as he sat at his desk "Hm. I am the most powerful man in the world, if these little girls think they can take this away from me, they don't know who they are dealing with." As night fell, Chikane and Shizuma had settled into a room in the city's most prestigious hotel. Chikane lifted her Millenium Necklace from a small oak box upon the bed, "I don't yet know the power behind this necklace... and the powers that i got told of seem unbelievable. I'm a little scared to even put it around my neck." she spoke, "Aha, scared Chikane?" Said Shizuma approaching Chikane from behind, wrapping her arms gently around her neck she rested her chin onto her shoulder and looked at the necklace within Chikane's palms. "It's just a piece of jewelery... what are you scared of, you have thousands of them." "It's not just a necklace though Shizuma, you understand it less than i do" Chikane stood, placing the necklace back into the box and turning to face Shizuma, who was smiling and rubbing her head; "No, i don't understand. But you're getting very obsessed with it aren't you?" she said, again wrapping her arms around her neck. "you're one to talk about obsession Shizuma..." they smiled and kissed. Blue sat atop the KaibaCorp building beside the blimp, as she lit a cigarette she thought; "so now i just wait? he sure does have a lot of security around this place... it was almost a struggle to get up here. But nothing i can't handle of course... heh.." she lifted herself on top of the elevator and sat looking at the moon, "he must live in this building... i haven't seen him or his brother leave. i'm gonna have to find a way in..." "Do not under-estimate the power in which Kaiba now holds" a billowing voice vibrated from behind her, and her cigarette slipped from her fingers at this, sending it falling from the building. She turned to face the voice; "you really shouldn't startle me like that Odeon." |
| Hey there :3 I don't usually read fanfics, just decided to give it a look beucase I saw your post at the Casual Chat. I don't really know how to rate or compare fanfics, because I don't read that many, actually I've only read some and wrote 4-6 a looong time ago n_n'. Well, this is quite an interesting crossover. I would never have thought to ever try fitting Shizuma, Chikane and Blue in the Yu-gi-oh universe, at first it seemed a bit 'random', and I also thought they would not fit in very well, but you managed to do it just fine ^-^. Where I could say that this rather looks like a short chapter from a bigger story, I won't, because I don't actually know if fanfics usually look like this or not x3. The ones I used to write where usually full stories, but I believe that everyone has their own way of writing ^-^. I, for an example, am overly descriptive (I describe a lot of things completely unrelated to the story), so I'm always amazed to read the work of someone who is able to keep things simple while keeping just the essential not to make it look shallow. You also knew how to fit in the character's personality just fine. If I had to point anything to improve... I don't know, I'm not really an expert at this x3. I've read a ton of books, and this doesn't seem to have many flaws, it gives that feeling that this is just the Prologue chapter of a greater book, that still reserves plenty of good moments, so what I'd say is lacking (further plot development, I guess) is just because this is just the beginning, not the middle nor the end of the story. Last but not least, I've got to say I just looved <3 that moment between Shizuma and Chikane *o*. It was very sweet ad felt passionate, they're both characters I love as well. I could clearly see them both doing that, and hugging like that is exactly like Shizuma x3. |
| 「レミ咲が今日のティータイム。」- RemiSaku ga kyou no tea time! |
| That's really nice :3 i'm glad you thought it was ok :D i don't know how fanfic's are supposed to look either, but i am classing this part as chapter * and am half way through chapter ** right now. |
| Nice work, it was well written. |
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