Zaeros said: I need all the advice and criticism I need! Zaeros said: I will quit writing if such criticism is bad Those two things contradict each other. |
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| Go back to school, you write like a 12 year old. Is english your first language? Improve sentences, dialogue and story-plot and I might think about reading more. |
| I've been here way too long... |
Zaeros said: I will quit writing if such criticism is bad If you want to write that bad, expect the criticisms already. Every single writer/author has been criticized no matter how popular or good their story is. |
| The world shall know the truth soon. |
| Too much XXXX said and XXXX did this after speech and so on. Let the speech flow naturally. As it is, it's disjointed and impersonal. |
| Also, 'show, don't tell' |
| Try to learn about Verb Tense Consistency and Dialogue Punctuation for starters. |
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| There are a lot of things you can work on. As people have already mentioned, too much of your story is just "telling" the audience who the characters are. Show the audience that "Kauru is moderately shy, gets disappointed often," don't say that he does. "~" is not really found in prose. Instead of using a symbol, try to convey it through tags or descriptions after the dialogue. Many sentences roll off the tongue awkwardly. Read it outloud and you'll probably notice why some sentences just feel "off." Those are just some things you might want to work on for now. Being good at writing takes practice so don't just give up, revise. If you revise, you learn a lot more than just scraping up a work because it gets bad criticism. Also, a good way to practice is to write everyday, even if it is only a sentence a day. As for names, just google sites that help naming babies. There are plenty of sites that will give you names just based off of a meaning and you can narrow your search in multiple ways such as by nationality and more. |
| I think you have to make it solid, as xmaikokoro said, try to show stuff more than telling it, instead of "he is shy" you could show us something that reveals he is shy, like him not having so many friends, having troubles when he is into any social situation, etcetera... If you need to tell, do it in a way it doesn´t kill the interest on reading for the reader, do that only when you absolutely need to tell, and there is no way to show. It is your first time (I assume that) and thus I am not telling you this kurosaki344 said: Since you are asking for opinions... Firstly, there is something I really do not understand about amateur writers, why the heck they do not practice and improve themselves enough before going around asking people for their opinions with sparkly eyes, with the works that are directly insults to the whole definition of writing and gives us nothing but eyesores? Do you know what storytelling is? "Storytelling is the conveying of events in words, and images, often by improvisation or embellishment. Stories or narratives have been shared in every culture as a means of entertainment, education, cultural preservation, and instilling moral values. Crucial elements of stories and storytelling include plot, characters, and narrative point of view." I'd like to point out a nice factor here "CRUCIAL elements of stories and storytelling include plot, characters, and narrative point of view." Do you really believe that there were enough plot and development above? How the heck does the readers are supposed to understand anything when what is trying to be told is explained the most half-assed way? Do you honestly believe the way that the early years have been explained is done right? Now I'd like to move on the main issue here, why the fuck are the characters are not freaking described? Have you seriously read a book before writing that? What the fuck does the characters look like? You keep introducing and going on a plot that only you understand. Now, please give me the adress of whoever told you this was good enough and IF you had other works like this and they were praised by a certain someone, please give their adress as well along your teachers, It would be my pleasure to cleanse the earth from such literature slaughterers. (He did say criticism and advice though, not opinions) Although he got a point, practice, practice and practice, there are people who born to be writers and thus won´t be able to do anything else in the life and then come the rest, mortal ones, we are not born to write, and thus we need to practice... When you find this kind of "criticism" which I see more like insulting, just keep practicing, reading as many good and bad books as you can, improve your gramatic skills, your ortography and the syntax of each paragraph, make dialogues more real (so don´t make people to talk all the time in "high language" but opt for a more natural, vulgar one so it doesn´t feel forced and the reader can buy it.) I would like to give you a final advice If you can buy On Writing, by Stephen king and How Not to Write a Novel: 200 Classic Mistakes and How to Avoid Them--A Misstep-by-Misstep Guide, buy them, if not, download them. xmaikokoro said: There are a lot of things you can work on. As people have already mentioned, too much of your story is just "telling" the audience who the characters are. Show the audience that "Kauru is moderately shy, gets disappointed often," don't say that he does. "~" is not really found in prose. Instead of using a symbol, try to convey it through tags or descriptions after the dialogue. Many sentences roll off the tongue awkwardly. Read it outloud and you'll probably notice why some sentences just feel "off." Those are just some things you might want to work on for now. Being good at writing takes practice so don't just give up, revise. If you revise, you learn a lot more than just scraping up a work because it gets bad criticism. Also, a good way to practice is to write everyday, even if it is only a sentence a day. As for names, just google sites that help naming babies. There are plenty of sites that will give you names just based off of a meaning and you can narrow your search in multiple ways such as by nationality and more. Annddd Listen to this mate! kurosaki344 said: Since you are asking for opinions... Firstly, there is something I really do not understand about amateur writers, why the heck they do not practice and improve themselves enough before going around asking people for their opinions with sparkly eyes, with the works that are directly insults to the whole definition of writing and gives us nothing but eyesores? Do you know what storytelling is? "Storytelling is the conveying of events in words, and images, often by improvisation or embellishment. Stories or narratives have been shared in every culture as a means of entertainment, education, cultural preservation, and instilling moral values. Crucial elements of stories and storytelling include plot, characters, and narrative point of view." I'd like to point out a nice factor here "CRUCIAL elements of stories and storytelling include plot, characters, and narrative point of view." Do you really believe that there were enough plot and development above? How the heck does the readers are supposed to understand anything when what is trying to be told is explained the most half-assed way? Do you honestly believe the way that the early years have been explained is done right? Now I'd like to move on the main issue here, why the fuck are the characters are not freaking described? Have you seriously read a book before writing that? What the fuck does the characters look like? You keep introducing and going on a plot that only you understand. Now, please give me the adress of whoever told you this was good enough and IF you had other works like this and they were praised by a certain someone, please give their adress as well along your teachers, It would be my pleasure to cleanse the earth from such literature slaughterers. And show this mate you can do it better than he expects to, though I didn´t leave any space for a final advice I´d like to tell you something, no matter what you do, some people will hate what you do, you can use the critics and opinions of the ones who liked what you did to keep on, but you have to use the critics of the ones who didn´t like your work as a fuel to improve and make them swallow their words (if someone else reads that final advice, remember to apply it on your lifes, you´d do a great favor to the world and to yourselves using the insults and negative critics of the rest of the people as a fuel to get better) |
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