| Finally gonna see a shrink again in 2 weeks. Let's see if this one can diagnose me "officially"/properly. |
| ''俺はいつになったら自由になれるんだろう…'' |
| @Sekai1ban Good luck with that |
| Saw the shrink today. His 'style' or 'method' or 'aura', if that, is old style. The way the room was set probably also plays a factor in making that opinion. It wasn't in an office, it was in his house located very rural, next to forests etc. His land is 15-20m by 200m ffs. The surrounding area calms me down, but maybe I'm just not used to seeing new people or if it was the shrink, or maybe the process of 'seeing a shrink' or 'trying to get better', but for a reason that I can't pin down, I'm a little freaked, tbh. Honestly, I don't know if it went well or not, or if it was a good thing/timing to see a shrink or not. My brain is screaming 'he's gonna make you crazy one of these days' but if I don't see one, the burden/stress is just too much and I'll be back at square 1. The ONLY good thing that is definite and I can safely say, is that I might not get anything out of that session or even maybe future sessions, but I definitely got a lot of my pent up stress out. This should calm me down at least a bit. Before this session, the anger and stress was just too much I was this [] close to killing a certain someone. I even started to balance + and - of life after murder/going to prison. |
| ''俺はいつになったら自由になれるんだろう…'' |
| I've been thinking, maybe write the problems on paper, but make it accurate, concise, to the point but not too long per problem. And then just give that paper to him/her. Reading 3 pages is shorter than 1 hour so we (you) can use the rest of the time to talk about a specific point that you put on the paper. I too absolutely hate wasting 1 hr babbling about just the problems and that's exactly what happened last week. |
| ''俺はいつになったら自由になれるんだろう…'' |
Tuulenhenki said: Officially diagnosed with major depression and personality disorder not otherwise specified. I'm not sure how a person gets diagnosed with a non specified personality disorder o.o All the ones I know of would cover everything I could think of that would be negative impacting traits. |
| I haven'tseen my therapist in almost a couple of months. once I finally gave up on this impossible fight to be normal, I just sort of decided therapy is a waste of money. Yes, it helped with my PTSD and OCD. But it can't help with the agoraphobia or bipolar. I'm embracing the hikikomori life style now. I know that my therapist would say that I still need to see her, but since Istopped going I haven't gotten any calls checking in on me. And my mom and girlfriend don'tseem to think it's aproblem. So I guess not seeing her is fine. |
| @vokisa Why do you think it would not help with agoraphobia? Phobias are curable. |
It's not like my therapist can put me in situations that make me anxious. She can't leave the office. It's up to me to push myself further. |
vokisa said: It's not like my therapist can put me in situations that make me anxious. She can't leave the office. It's up to me to push myself further. Yeah that is pretty much how it works. Therapists just guide you. To get more you would have to have either a friend or a life coach but Im not too familiar with what they do. |
| Well, things have certainly changed since I last posted in this thread. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder last fall after finally deciding to get assessed. Problem is, I can't take any medication for it (because I drink too much) and I'm still having a hard time trying to find the right therapist. I'm on a waiting list for inpatient rehab, an actually decent one - but it'll take a long time to go through. I sort of just abandoned a substance abuse and trauma group I was supposed to go to once a week. Egh. Things are weird. |
| (っ◔◡◔)っ just on my dumb shit |
Anilapse said: Well, things have certainly changed since I last posted in this thread. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder last fall after finally deciding to get assessed. Problem is, I can't take any medication for it (because I drink too much) and I'm still having a hard time trying to find the right therapist. I'm on a waiting list for inpatient rehab, an actually decent one - but it'll take a long time to go through. I sort of just abandoned a substance abuse and trauma group I was supposed to go to once a week. Egh. Things are weird. Sorry, I'm gonna be straight forward with this question. When you say 'diagnosed', you mean a doctor told you, like face to face? "Oh, you have bipolar". Or did you research and just told him? Because if the former is the meaning of getting diagnosed, then I still haven't gotten one yet. I've got 2 GP doctors, and the case with both of them, is if I say I have depression, anxiety and anger issues, then without questions, they BELIEVE I have depression, anxiety and anger issues. Obviously, from my own research, I FEEL like I have these problems, but I don't know for sure if I do, cos no doctor ever told me face to face. They just take my word for it. I bet if I say I have hep A, B, C, D, Z, Z1, Z2, Z3, they're gonna believe I have all those heps. Not even my psychologist told me what I have. I just said to him "I get angry, anxious and depressed when this this this happens". And he just says "well, lets try to work on those then". Like, how do/will people or I know that what I have isn't agoraphobia....or just plain anxiety problems. Or who knows, I might even actually have OCD, ....could be bipolar maybe? or maybe I have this disorder, or maybe that disorder. How will I know for sure what I have....if professionals just take my word for it...you know what I'm saying? |
| ''俺はいつになったら自由になれるんだろう…'' |
MumeiHikki said: Sorry, I'm gonna be straight forward with this question. When you say 'diagnosed', you mean a doctor told you, like face to face? "Oh, you have bipolar". Or did you research and just told him? Because if the former is the meaning of getting diagnosed, then I still haven't gotten one yet. I've got 2 GP doctors, and the case with both of them, is if I say I have depression, anxiety and anger issues, then without questions, they BELIEVE I have depression, anxiety and anger issues. Obviously, from my own research, I FEEL like I have these problems, but I don't know for sure if I do, cos no doctor ever told me face to face. They just take my word for it. I bet if I say I have hep A, B, C, D, Z, Z1, Z2, Z3, they're gonna believe I have all those heps. Not even my psychologist told me what I have. I just said to him "I get angry, anxious and depressed when this this this happens". And he just says "well, lets try to work on those then". Like, how do/will people or I know that what I have isn't agoraphobia....or just plain anxiety problems. Or who knows, I might even actually have OCD, ....could be bipolar maybe? or maybe I have this disorder, or maybe that disorder. How will I know for sure what I have....if professionals just take my word for it...you know what I'm saying? That's a totally valid question. Last year I was freaking out, to say the least, and spontaneously decided to go to a local branch of the national mental health association (I'm Canadian). I'd been there before for counseling/eating disorder treatment, and have also been moved around a bunch for that reason. The police and hospital are also familiar with my name due to people having called them on me before. I'd told them all this, told them I suspected I was bipolar but wanted to be properly assessed by a psychiatrist, and that's when I was asked questions about family history, trauma, what have you. In the meantime, I got a counselor I could talk to weekly as I waited for a proper assessment. Their immediate concern with me wasn't the diagnosis, but my behavior right then. I was drinking (and still am, but I have fewer bills to waste) enough to land myself in the hospital and, honestly, I'm surprised that I'm not. I've also had a couple episodes wherein I attempted suicide. But yes. I eventually got diagnosed. They didn't immediately peg me as such, despite that I have many people in my family with it and that they were taking notes on each and every minuscule detail of my behavioral patterns. But I'm glad it worked out that way for me, because at the time I really just needed confirmation that I wasn't going to die. The rest kind of "fell into place" afterward. Now I'm on a waiting list, yet again...for rehab. I'm sure that if I just walked in and said that I wanted to commit myself to the substance abuse and trauma group, as well as one on one counseling - I'd get back in...it's just a matter of actually doing that. But anyway, enough of my ridiculous story. Do you only go to doctors to talk about this? In my experience, they DO just take your word for everything and essentially prescribe you w/ whatever the hell they want (although you can object and everything, it isn't up to them to force it on you). Their approach isn't the best. I'd personally go to a clinic specifically designed for people with mental health problems. Intake counselors are generally trained for this sort of thing, too. Your psychiatrist simply has a very point a to point b way of approaching things, I think. Dealing with whatever's PRESENTLY at hand isn't necessarily a bad thing. I understand your frustration, though. I'd personally suggest an intake counselor. They don't know your history, they don't know you, and you can firmly say, "I feel as though I might have (blahblahblah), but I'd really like to be properly assessed for this. How can I do that?" That's generally when their questions start firing (some are honestly kind of uncomfortable to answer) and they book you in. I also think my experience was different because I didn't walk in with a sort of "up in the air" way of thinking. I went in specifically to know whether or not I had bipolar (I or II). They're a lot more concise and have a better idea of what they should do w/ you when you make it clear-cut. |
| (っ◔◡◔)っ just on my dumb shit |
| My english isn't as good as before, so I might get this wrong, but what you're saying is that you just can't find the motivation to go through the treatment? Because if so, then I can't too. These days I've been having strong thoughts of trying to get better. But for a reason that's completely beyond me, I just can't bring forth the motivation. I feel like, to help reduce anxiety, I need to just go out there and talk to randoms about random things. Cos the more I expose myself, the more used to it I'll be. Well, I honestly can't do that. It's literally like trying to bring forth motivation to walk into a fire. Who in their right mind try to purposely jump into a fire/something they're not comfortable with. If there's someone, then clearly they're not in their right mind. I'm not quite sure if there are intake councellors here. Even if there are, I think they'd be somewhere near or in the City...and I'm all the way in a suburban area. With my problems, no way am I going to the City that's filled with humans. Last time I saw my GP was a couple of months ago to ask for a recommendation to a psychologist. I'm now seeing one every 2 weeks and tomorrow just happens to be the day I see him. I'm gonna see if I can make the timing to ask if I'm officially diagnosed or not, and what exact problems I have. He's probably gonna make that "wth is this crazy bothersome dude on about? After all these appointments, he asks THESE questions? Do that in the start, you numbnut!" face ''''Orz. I wouldn't say I'm 100% content with how the shrink handles me, but at least he's better than all of the one's I've been to. Most of these people are only after my money. Well...not exactly my money, cos the govt has this health programs that subsidies the fees. But I can literally feel them trying to course the direction of the conversation so that I go back again. One of them (that bitch!) even said to me 5 mins after I sat down ffs, "So are you coming back?". Honestly don't know how she got her credentials, cos if I was the examiner for psychologist qualifications, I'd rip her application in front of her face. What's annoying is I feel like I'm making progress, but it's just sooo small that I literally feel like I make no progress at all. I'm on govt allowances (kinda like social security maybe...idk), and their advances of trying to get me on the workforce asap isn't helping at all....in fact, I can say with confidence that they're making my problems worse. I AM thankful though, that there's still such a thing as govt allowances in this country. I'd be left for dead for sure if I was back in Asia. But then again, they've completely got the wrong approach to people's mental problems cos they're simply treating us like numbers. I remember one of their officials said to me something along the lines of 'if any of your body part isn't broken/amputated, or if you don't have a bald head and look like youre gonna keel over in 30 mins, we can't give you disability pension'. You've no idea how many times I thought of breaking a bone and shove it in her face while shouting 'you happy now?! Is this what you want?'. |
MumeiHikkiJul 26, 2016 11:20 PM
| ''俺はいつになったら自由になれるんだろう…'' |
| Yeah, I suppose that's what I'm saying. I mean, I've mustered up the motivation a few times, but I lose it pretty easily and let it wither away. I definitely understand where you're coming from. The health care system, even in Canada where it's supposedly faultless (bullshit), drains people's wallets and/or sense of self worth. When I was on welfare, I was treated like human garbage. It's supremely difficult, living basically anywhere when you're mentally unstable in any sense of the word...and broke to boot. I've had many jobs, but haven't been able to hold one in a long time. Mental health still hasn't been explored and tackled enough, really. They really do treat you like numbers. I can't even blame specific psychiatrists for that...it's embedded in the system. There are certainly those that are less qualified, though, for sure. The worst part about trying to get proper help that will actually benefit you is needing to be as persistent as possible about it. Just like with any ailment, really...there have been times, even when I'm physically ill, that I've had to go to the clinic for the same thing multiple times just to get them to actually focus on my illness instead of brushing me to the side. It fucking sucks. I'm glad you're going to talk to your GP, though (or already have). It's his job, so if he really does treat you like that, that's his own problem, absolutely not yours. |
| (っ◔◡◔)っ just on my dumb shit |
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