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This is the Three-hundredth-ninetieth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone! Last week we were visited by the motherly Mercelida.

: Technically I'm still here. It's the same day and all.

: We totally don't film these in advance-er, I mean. Wow that was a long week and stuff!

Exactly! Anyway, after the blog Mercelida was asked by her handmaiden if she could have a blog as well. As I'm a generous person, I agreed to it.

: You totally don't have ulterior motives, right?

Certainly not. Though I do wonder what's keeping her...

: She does like to make an entrance. Maybe she's up to no good.

I can't imagine that being the reason...

*Meanwhile, unknown to Topaz and the others a maid is climbing up a ladder on the side of his house. She even gets on the roof.*

???: Ufufu. Won't Topaz be surprised to see me fall into his arms all romantically. He won't be able to keep himself off me! Though I'll be in charge, of course. W-wait... I'm stuck!

*The maid gets her panties somehow caught on the side of the ladder. She manages to pull them free, but by doing so her panties rip off. This results in the girl losing her balance as well as she stumbles across. She eventually hits the wrong spot and falls through the roof.*

???: SHOOOT!

*She falls through into the room that Topaz and the others are sitting. In fact she falls butt-first onto Topaz's face. All he sees is a flash of white being squished by two meaty buttocks.*

MMMPH!

: TOPAZ!

: I see that's what she was trying to do then.

: Are you alright, Topaz?!

*Topaz struggles under the flabby behind for a bit before becoming limp.*

: Quick! Give him some air! It looks like he's ASS-phyxiated!

: Wait, don't! He's not Zettai!

???: How about if I just get up then?

*The mysterious maid stands, allowing Topaz to cough as he breathes the fresh air.*

???: My apologies! It seems that my plan didn't go as expected!

No worries, I certainly enjoyed it this way too!

: This is no time to be enjoying pandering, Topaz. At least introduce the girl!

Good point.

???: Right, it is getting tiring trying to keep in shadows like this.

Well then, why don't you come out of them, CRIET!

*The mysterious shadowy maid finally reveals herself.*

: Exactly! Though don't think anything perverse about that narration.

: Aww man. I like thinking dirty things!

: We know. So how is your face doing, Topaz?

Quite nicely-or wait, is that an insult?

: N-not at all! (what if he thinks I think he's ugly.. I'd better write a large apology!)

: And how come you don't use accents and stuff either?

Americans are bad at that sort of thing! Also pronunciations.

: But in reality Topaz has no clue how to add them and has to look up the accent on the internet every time. Then he copy-pastes it.

Shhh, don't tell them my secret.

: Regardless, as Mercelida has told you, I would like a blog!

: Oh no! You're going to review the sunburnt goddess!

: Ehhh? What do you mean?

I think she's confusing you with Hestia.

: ... Fair point. But they do look a lot alike.

: Thanks, I'll take looking like a goddess as a compliment.

You should, and getting to the blog itself...



: At least he put the accent in there. But why did you link Mercelida to the anime and Críet to the manga?

I did experience the anime first, but sadly Críet did not make an appearance in the anime.

: Sadly the anime needs a second season so I can be shown! But it looks like the company's not interested.

: A shame. I'd love to put in more work.

Just make sure that Xebec doesn't do it. They have enough work perhaps ruining Keijo.

: Topaz is an eternal optimist. Sadly Xebec does not seem to have the greatest track record.

: But neither does J-CUP Staff and they did our show well.

True, though the series does get bogged down with breast moments and, for whatever reason, a random trap.

: Naoya isn't random.

: Agreed, he's cute in girl's clothes!

I meant the other one. The one that puts the name "Leo" to shame.

: A-HEM. As much as I'd enjoy standing here and listening to you complain, how about you get started on the blog?

Good plan!

Head
Hair: Críet's hair is one of her best features. It's long, going past her hips but fortunately avoids cover her butt at times. Her hair being up in twintails usually helps, especially since hers are on her sides, and even when it's down and looks gorgeous we still see her butt. It also looks silky and smooth when down, though as she was taking a bath at the time it may have just been wet. Her hair is also black, which is my favorite hair color and it plays off her dark skin even better than normal. She also seems to have two short antenna pointing upward, though they aren't noticeable overall and is something I just recently noticed. Críet's only “weakness” would be her bangs; while being somewhat close to a hime her hair has a bit too much space between the bangs in a zig-zag-like way. I'm probably poorly describing her bangs, but overall they look great still and her sides are likewise really great by reaching her cheeks. Críet also often wears a maid headdress and occasionally wears ribbons at the base of her twintails. Overall she does really wonderful here, definitely a high-scorer.
Grade: A

Eyes: Sadly Críet does not wear glasses, even for a short time like Mercelida did. And her shape, while having a slight inward incline, is not as great as the succubus queen's either. Críet's eyes are also a bit bigger, fitting her younger age I imagine. What really helps Críet is COLOR. Specifically because she has the best color for me in purple and looks really great. That said sadly she's not in the anime so the most we see of her with this color is when she's a chibi on the back cover of one of the books. A shame, really.
Grade: B

Face: Críet has a very soft-looking face. It's slightly puni, fitting the other younger characters in the series with soft-looking cheeks. Críet's cheeks also have a bit of rosiness to them as well. Oh, and as she's the series's “Dark elf” equivalent she has pointed ears, though to be fair almost every character has them. Her small features and dot nose certainly appeal to me too. Overall she's very cute and has a lot of nice moments, but it's sadly not enough to boost her up or make her too memorable (if only she was in the anime...).
Grade: B+

: I'm doing well so far!

I agree, if only you wore glasses like Mercelida you'd be doing much better.

: Though only a small amount better...

: Well then, let's see what I have here.

*She brings out a big box and throws glasses all over.*

: Glasses for everyone!

*The girls get glasses conveniently landing on their faces correctly, looking even more beautiful than ever. Topaz even has on his face, though he has at least three extra pairs on his head.*

I may like glasses, but this is silly!

*He takes off the superfluous glasses and returns them to Mercelida.*

: This reminds me of all the moments Zettai has where he caters to you. You really need to be a better friend for him!

I do...

: Don't worry. I'll be sure to visit him in a “dream” later on...

I'm sure he'll love that, though he'd like it even more if you described it further.

: Well, it would involve me and all his favorite mothers all caring for his every need. Rinko, Meme, Akiko, Cattleya, Rosa, Iris... The list goes on. Of course he'll have to cater to our every sexual whims. Which of course means dominating him with our big mature butts.

: I'm sorry I asked...

Don't be sorry, I'm sure he'll love it!

: Of course, such amazing dreams will require a lot of mana on my part. I sure hope that he's up to “satisfying” me enough to “recharge” after he wakes up.

: With all those gassy foods you'll eat on the way there I'm sure that he'll sploot it out in no time!

: Don't be ridiculous. I'll force him to endure for a while being my seat. THEN I'll have anal intercourse and, after he's satisfied me, I'll let him release.

: Something tells me that we should have censored that.

Don't worry, hopefully no kids happen on this blog!

: Good point-WAIT, stop getting distracted Topaz. You have a blog to finish!

You're right!



Body
Build: Like Mercelida before her Críet also has measurements. She's 154 cm and 41 kg, meaning she's still somewhat teen-sized. What isn't teen-sized though seems to be her three sizes, which are 85-57-84. So in other words she's what's considered an “oppai loli”. Fortunately for Críet she's not as mamocentric as another JC Staff girl that's also a look alike (though who knows how they would have treated Críet...). Fortunately she does seem to show her butt quite a bit to balance things out. From wearing thongs to the off-roof landing where she falls butt-first onto Naoya she has a significant amount of butt scenes. That said her older sister Helga shows off her butt more anyway.
Of course the main reason I like Críet is for her skin. Wait, allow me to rephrase that. Críet has some of the most unique skin I've seen, and that makes her memorable. Er, what I'm getting at is that Críet is actually a mixed-race character. As she is only mostly “Dark elf” her skin as a whole is brown, but as she's mixed race her skin is much more mottled in certain areas. Críet herself has probably the best type of mottled as, conveniently, she has a permanent swimsuit-style tan. She's embarrassed by this, but much like Naoya I find her to be beautiful. Overall her height is the main problem I'd say; not that there's anything wrong with short girls but I prefer taller ones like Kan'u Uchou (another great dark-skinned girl).
Grade: A-

Breasts: As said before, Críet has a bust size of 85 cm. She also has an E-cup, meaning she's quite sizable. With the exception of Effie the literal cow she probably has the biggest chest in Lotte's mansion too. She's also shown off quite a bit, being proud of her large chest and even attempting to seduce Naoya with her breasts. Her chest is also pale, as said before she has a swimsuit tan and that includes her chest. For a bit of off-screen service she also has a bust-sumo match with Effie as well (though it was one sided. Probably would have been fairer had they used butts, but sadly the series didn't think of that). We also do not see Críet's nipples, though there isn't many moments where they would have been shown anyway. Overall she has a great chest, with her main weakness being that it tends to dominate her service at times.
Grade: A

Clothes: Críet has quite a few nice outfits. We first see her in a school uniform-like outfit, including pantyhose though it should be said that it's not as easy to tell with her dark skin. It resembles a sailor uniform as well, with the collar and ribbon as well as a shirt with a turtleneck. Then, for her job she dons a well-covering maid uniform, complete with apron and long sleeves. Sorry if I can't define the color of her outfits, she's manga-only but sorry for adding that so much too. Under it she seems to wear string panties, which she gives to the often-nopan Asuha. Then she wears a customized one after Naoya tells Críet her skin is beautiful, a definite downgrade as she shows off way too much cleavage and seems to be lacking straps of any kind. I'd rather have the first version back, even if I like her being proud of her tanline. Other outfits she gets put in include thong underwear, a well-supported bikini for the aforementioned bust sumo, a nurse's outfit with hat and necktie, and a leotard that is part of a catgirl outfit. Probably the biggest problem is that, much like the other girls in the series, Críet seems to have a problem with showing her chest off most often. To be fair she has an understandable reason, she knows that Naoya likes big breasts and is actively trying to wedge herself between him and Lotte (it obviously doesn't work). A flimsy reason sure, but at least it's better than the often-used reason of big breasts meaning more fanservice. But chest focus aside she does have a lot of nice outfits.
Grade: B+

: Sadly as proud as I am Mercelida still has a shapelier body.

: Ara ara. I am older than you after all.

Almost twice as old!

*Mercelida glares at Topaz.*

Er, I mean....

: Don't worry, I was just being playful.

Well, anyway you have to remember that sizes aren't the only thing I judge on.

: Right. Though sometimes it sure seems that way *coughboobscough*.

I suppose there is that, but I also aren't as judgmental on measurements as people probably just pick numbers at random. There's also proportion as well. For example, Críet has hips that are 11 cm smaller than Mercelida's, but she's also 21 cm shorter too so her butt might look bigger. We can't rely just on numbers, and that's not even counting series that lack measurements.

: Get off your soapbox, Topaz.

Oh, I'm not saying that we should ignore them either. Especially the problems with unfairness between breasts and butts. I guess it's just a case-by-case situation.

: You're right, Topaz! I knew that I could count on you! How about a reward?

Oh? What would you do?

: Well, I could show you why they call me a “handmaiden”, ufufu.

: That sounds like something we shouldn't show...

I'm sure it's just a simple massage, like she gave Naoya.

: Even so, you've got a blog to finish!

Good point! Let's finish up!



Mind
Personality: As mentioned before, Críet is a secondary character that comes late and ends up not being in the anime as a result. She's introduced as King Sveinn's illegitimate child that was away during the first part of the series (the King being the king of the “Nótt Álfur”, the resident “dark elf” group). She returned as her mother died and they had been living independently from the royal family. As Críet didn't want to live on hand-outs she came back to seek work. Not only that, but Críet became scared of showing her body as their small family had to stay on the run. Seeing her brother Sigurð and sister Helga hopelessly in love when she returned lead her to want to investigate Lotte's relationship. As a result Críet got a job working at her mansion to spy. That said, the plot was only a few chapters long before Críet started to fall for Naoya herself, especially after he complimented her skin. She hung awhile for the rest of the series, but sadly she really doesn't get closure on this. I mean, it was found out but Judit, a meganekko in Lotte's service, thought that the rivalry might be useful. That's really the biggest problem with Críet as she ends up just working for Lotte in the ending, I mean I wasn't expecting much but at least have her meet with her siblings again.
Críet is embarrassed of her body due to culture reasons, though luckily that part of her grew and she's much more confident at the end of her arc. Críet herself is pretty perky but not in the annoying excitable way either. She's very optimistic and not afraid to show off or tease others. Overall she's a fairly strong secondary character with more background and personality than just being fanservice (unlike a certain dairy fairy or trap). Oh, and her name is often shortened to “Críe”, forgot to mention that in Mercelida/Merce's blog. Another thing are the random vital statistics and skills, with Críet's most random one being that she has a level in ACCOUNTING of all things (Maid level 2 and Housekeeping level 2 make more sense).
Grade: B-

Libido: As said before Críet enjoys teasing others, even if told to do so by Judit. It's not to the point of wanting to establish a romantic link with Naoya, but rather to split the couple up so that her siblings can pick up the pieces. NTR is bad though, so it's a good thing that she doesn't succeed. That said I do like how she does research into Naoya's fetishes and as a result teases him with her chest a lot. She also facesits him while giving him a massage (I think, it's hard to tell) and I like the silly way she mentioned that she'll make him “sploot” it out when he's sick xD. Naoya might be older than Críet as well, but he seems shota enough that it still seems sexy. Speaking of shotas though, it's a shame that they stuck the trap Leofin (who is 13, if curious) with one of Lotte's friends rather than Críet. Well, it's sort of rude to shove a trap in to try and fit in with what's popular at that time, but still. After all, it would have been a perfect relationship; I get my favorite with a trap and they'd go away, and he'd be happy as he'd marry into “royalty”. He even seems fascinated with Críet in her maid outfit at one time! Though sadly this also lead Críet to to dress HIM in girl's clothes as he was more admiring the outfit, and that ended up being a slippery slope that the series really didn't know what to do with. Sadly as said he doesn't seem interested, and even Naoya isn't too interested despite blushing after looking at her chest at times. It all makes Críet start thinking that the problem is with her, which is a shame as she's a beautiful and seductive girl! Though it is a shame that she was worried she'd be “attacked” by Naoya as the opposite would be much better.
Grade: A-

Age: Sadly Críet is somewhat young. She's fifteen, which makes her body not seem as appealing. Nothing wrong with it, but do note that her body always seems more mature. That said it's still better than Mist, one of Lotte's friends, who has about the same measurements even though she's only ten.
Grade: C

Total Grades: 80
Average score: 8.9
Final Grade: B+

: That's it? Mercelida got a much higher score!

That happens some times.

: She even got a picture, so what gives? I thought that I was your favorite from the series!

You are, but sometimes the blog and my personal opinions don't match up.

: If it helps, you tied with Mercelida when Topaz first started his rough draft. Sadly not appearing much in the last few books really hampered your score.

Exactly. I would have liked some sort of resolution with your backstory or something.

: Don't worry. I'm sure that Topaz will think highly of you after you “perform” for him. Ufufu...

: I just want to say I'm against such things.

: You can't keep a cutie like Topaz-bou all to yourself, Ririchiyo.

...”-bou”?

: Er, slip of the tongue I'm sure. Anyway, prepare for a the best massage of your life.

: While you're doing that I'll head to Spain. I have some “business” to attend to...

I “hope” Zettai enjoys your “fun”. Mothers are awesome after all.

: I'm sure he will, though maybe I'll have that dominant assistant of his teach me his more sensitive spots...

*Mercelida flies off, making sure to show off her C-string wearing butt aplenty.*

: Don't worry, I'll wait until the end of the blog. Then I'll work out my “frustrations” on you, heh heh heh.

Sounds like a good time to me, but first before ending this blog I need a hint about next week's girl.

: Well, you don't NEED one but it does give fans something to look forward to. So what is it?

Let's just say that I might be feeling “fruity” sometime next week.

: Topaz, that's the first blog of April. It's like the end of May already. Or have you forgotten Nagisa this quickly?

Not that kind of “fruity”.

: Either way, I hope to return. After all, once I'm done Topaz shouldn't forget about me <3.

*The scene fades out as the blog ends.*