emperortopaz's Blog

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Welcome back everyone. Last week we found out a lot of information and blogged about Eirin. Thanks to Topaz's help I was able to escape her kicking us out and met with Kaguya.

: That's me!

Certainly. And as promised last week...



: Woo hoo! Topaz is finally going to blog about me!

: Don't celebrate yet. We don't know if he'll say anything unsightly or something!

: It's alright. I imagine that Empry will give Kaguya the proper treatment she deserves.

: Thanks Topaz! Yaaaayyy!

*Kaguya runs back and forth.*

: Calm down this instant! You'll knock something over!

*Kaguya takes a proper sit.*

: Bubu. You never let me do anything fun.

At least she's letting me blog about you.

: I am, but after that I'll kick you out!

: Such anger. What if Empry is still in pain?

: He's ALWAYS a pain! Er, but I guess I know of another nurse that he can talk to. We'll see after.

Well then, let's get going!

Head
Hair: Kaguya has the best hair in the Touhou universe. Not only that, but she has my absolute favorite hairstyle in general. She has a black hime cut with really long hair in back. Her hair is about waist-length, but there are times where it seems longer. Of course her main attribute is her hime cut, befitting a pure Japanese beauty like her (even if she is from the moon). She has long sides as well, going about to her chest and, while they don't always cover her ears, still greatly frame her face. It's hard to compare to such gorgeous beauty. About the only flaw, if you can even call it that, is that Kaguya does not wear a hat. While not as big of a deal now this made Kaguya really unique when she first came out as pretty much every other character had one. That said it's nothing too major and she looks absolutely amazing anyway so I wouldn't say her hair is anything but perfect.
Grade: A+

: I do TOO have a hat!

*Kaguya puts a pair of panties on her head.*

: Homuhomuhomu!

: Stop that this instant! Act like the princess that you are, or you'll give Topaz a poor impression!

: Fiiiinnneee....

*Kaguya puts the panties back in the drawer.*

: Right, you don't want to be arrested for being a local pervert!

: But I'm from the moon...

: Foreigners are strange.

: Wait a minute, you always wear kimonos.

: That I do.

: So whose panties are those? And why do they have phoenixes on them?

: N-no reason! *averts eyes.*

: KA-GU-YA HOU-RAI-SAN! You better not be going out without my permission!

*Kaguya whistles innocently.*

: I think at this point you'd better continue the blog...

Eyes: Kaguya is said to have dark brown eyes. This is a shame as they almost look red, which would have been nice with her black hair. That said the difference is barely there and some fanartists give her red eyes anyway. I also don't mind brown too much, either. Shape-wise her eyes are similar to Eirin's, but Kaguya's seem much softer due to her natural beauty.
Grade: B

: That reminds me of something that I can use to help my score get higher.

*With a quick flourish Kaguya pulls a pair of folded glasses out of her sleeve. She then opens them up and places them on her head.*

: Ufufufu. With this I'll get an even higher score!

As great as those are, I sadly cannot factor them into my blog. That would be unfair.

: Buuuuu... But they're even red frames which look great with my hair.

Agreed!

: Feel like giving me even a bit more? Huh? Huh?

*Kaguya adjusts her glasses quickly and repeatably, in an obnoxious factor.*

: Wait, is this why you wanted me to make you glasses?

: Gerk! Errrr....

*She averts her eyes and touches her pointer fingertips together. Eirin sighs from her ojousama's displays.*

: Why don't you get on with the blog, Topaz...

Face: Sadly, for a girl that's treated as extremely beautiful in canon I don't see why Kaguya is so different from any other Touhou girl. Not that she looks bad, it's just that there's a lot of similarities. That said I do appreciate Kaguya's small nose and features, and even in the main games she does look very pretty (which is no small feat).
Grade: B+

: How unusual. Many men have been charmed by Kaguya-hime's beauty, but you seem to not appreciate it as much.

She is very beautiful, especially for a Touhou character. However, there are girls from other series that I find more beautiful.

: But hers is a beauty that drives men wild! Helen of Troy, whose face has launched a thousand ships, pales in comparison! What sort of standards could you possibly have?!

Well, you see-

*Kimiko interrupts.*

: The lazy kind. You see Empry would rather not look for one of the devoted items to marry her. He knows that he is not worthy of such beauty, and as a result would rather indirectly insult the princess.

: I see then. You are fortunate that your friend here gave such a likely reason for your excuses.

: He should touch my cheeks to prove how soft they are!

: Wait. You mean the ones on your face, right?

: of course!

: Do not suggest that Kaguya-hime is as depraved as you two are!

As much as I would like it, I would rather not mar her beauty with my commoner hands.

: Fair reasoning. But you shall make it up to her by continuing the blog.

Don't worry, I shall do just that!

Body
Build: Unfortunately, unlike a the above areas Kaguya is not as friendly to my blog. Her body is difficult to tell due to the kimono she wears. She does at least seem slim, and she does seem to have nice legs from the rare occasion we've seen them. There's also question that in one of the games she uses the "Seamless Ceiling of Kinkaku-ji" which is a temple ceiling made of one huge board. I bring this up because one of the books says she lifts this by HAND which may show how strong she secretly is. Still, I wouldn't mind to see more of Kaguya.
Grade: C

: Zettai would love my slender body far more!

True, except that he'd love your butt to be bigger.

: Please! Don't put such thoughts in the head of my innocent Kaguya-hime!

Hey, she thought of it first last week!

: I bet I could use the power of Eternity to make my butt infinite!

That MAY be slightly too big for Zettai.

: Surprises can happen, as I never would think those words would be uttered!

: True. I imagine being middle school-size would be best for him.

: Certainly, much like Reika who is another "beauty"!

: GWAH! I still don't like how the American FLUB gave her the horrible name of "Chloe". I mean, what kind of dumb name is that for the traditional Japanese girl!

I know! They picked horrible names! But this is about Kaguya and not about some silly Glittery girls, so let's continue with her.

Breasts: Much like a lot of other Touhou characters, Kaguya's chest size is unknown. Her images aren't helpful and in general her robes hide her body shape a lot. She's kind of like Patchouli in that way. Personally I believe that she's a flat Japanese beauty. Not quite loli-flat, but enough to look beautiful in kimonos and fitting of her body size. Fan art tends to agree, with Kaguya being mainly flat (there's some odd image that may exist, but they're few and far between especially compared to other characters).
Grade: C

: Speaking of breast sizes-

: Kaguya-hime, leave this matter aside once and for all!

: NO! I must find out the mystery that has haunted me for nearly 300 blogs. Topaz, I ask of you: What is Patchouli's chest size?

: I'm curious as well!

I can't say. I swore to her privacy!

: What's the worse that could happen?

: An age old question gets an answer and one side takes that as evidence that they were right all the time.

: Well then, at least whisper it to me.

I suppose... whisper whisper

: Hey! I can't hear!

: I see I see. It's the opposite of what I was expecting.

: Are you satisfied now?

: Yes, the mystery is safe with me.

: This seems unfair!

You could always ask her yourself.

: I have, but she always slaps me, scolds me for getting into her library, and blasts me out a window with magic.

: You'd think you'd learn after the first time...

I admire her determination, though I should get back to the blog.

Clothes: Like a lot of Touhou characters Kaguya's wardrobe is pretty simple. She wears a pink heavy kimono with white bows down the front and a white collar. Her skirt is burgundy with golden designs. She also has a white under skirt, so you can imagine how difficult it is to appreciate the beauty of her body. That said, kimonos DO look really nice on her. She is a classic Japanese beauty, after all. Luckily for Kaguya I researched a bit of the Inaba manga and found out she wears a few alternate outfits, so good for her! As an example, in one chapter she has a frilly one-piece swimsuit when she's sitting in a kiddie pool. In another chapter she's getting ready to go to a party at the Scarlet Mansion and she puts on things like cat ears and paws, a gothloli dress and another frilly dress, and a boyish outfit with both a necktie and tiny hat. These little moments did well to help her out, though I do hope that there wasn't any that I missed. She also owns a spacesuit, which she dressed Aya in during a lunar exhibition in a book.
Grade: B-

: If only my noncanon lack of panties would help here...*sighs*

: You need to act like a princess and get such perverse ideas out of your head. I blame the computer wrecking your sense of modesty.

: I wouldn't mind if Kaguya was less modest in her dress.

I agree. Just imagine her great classic Japanese beauty in a maid outfit.

: Or Miko!

Or a sukumizu!

: Or a Chinese dress!

Both Topaz and : PANTYHOSE!

: I don't know if I should be fascinated or disturbed by how similar your minds work...

Similar to other brains, I'm guessing.

: Yeah, shouldn't you know that as you're a doctor and all?

: That's not what I meant, and stop getting sidetracked Topaz!

Fine fine...

Mind
Personality: I described Kaguya's backstory along with Eirin (sorta) last week, but I'll still go over it. Kaguya was a princess of the moon, but by working together with Eirin she create the Hourai elixir, an immortality potion. This was against the law so she was executed. And executed, and executed. Eventually they caught on to the whole “she's an immortal” thing (though hopefully Kaguya didn't feel pain during these times) and they decided to exile her to Earth. She's since been allowed to return, but refuses as she enjoys spending time on Earth. As far as Kaguya herself, she seems to be carefree but refined at the same time. Her conversation skills are dated, which considering her age isn't that surprising (but it would be cool if she spoke ojou-like). In the Inaba books she's a bit more innocent and naive, which makes her extremely cute. Because Kaguya spent so long in Eientei she's often said to be a hikikomori or NEET who shuns outside interraction, but this isn't true as one of the books says she wants to leave and experience the world. I do like this personality as I can identify with it. She also asks for Eirin's help during her battle, but Kaguya isn't useless as she joins Eirin in HER final battle as well. And of course we can't talk about Kaguya without discussing “Kaguya-hime”, or the Story of the Bamboo-Cutter. In it a bamboo-cutter finds the young infant Kaguya-hime and her interactions with the Emperor (after many failed suitors) and she reveals that her unworldly beauty is because she's from the moon. Though I am cutting it short, the story is very much like Kaguya Houraisan's.
Kaguya has the vague ability to control the eternal and the instantaneous. Both are time-control abilities and are pretty hard to wrap my mind around the exact properties, but Kaguya can keep ancient buildings like new and time stop and other cool things like that. Surprisingly Kaguya has the second-highest amount of Spell Cards, at 41, with the first being Satori at 76 (who copies your partner's spell cards and thus has a lot of different varieties). This isn't counting the Shoot The Bullet spin-offs, though. The reasons Kaguya has so many is that she uses her Impossible Request items (yes, she had them all the whole time, making the requests truly “impossible”) as well as Divine treasures even BEFORE using her true powers of eternity. These include *deep breath* a Jewel from the Dragon's Neck, Buddha's Stone Bowl, Robe of Fire Rat, Swallow's Cowrie Shell, and the Jeweled Branch of Hourai. She adds the Lunar Ilmenite, Red Stone of Aja, Seamless Ceiling of Kinkaku-ji, and something called “Mysterium”. And yes, I imagine that the Jojo reference is intentional considering the first game references ACDC turning one person into a bomb through their blood (though I just know that through research). I'll also add that in Labyrinth of Touhou her ability to completely ignore enemy defenses with multi-target moves and ability to cause a second character to act are both really good. Kaguya may fall short of being one of my favorite Touhou characters, but she's definitely high-ranked.
Grade: A-

Libido: Sadly Kaguya doesn't do as well here either. Much like other Touhou girls there isn't much shown. She is pretty close to Eirin, who serves Kaguya faithfully but sadly not in the femdom sense (or maybe it is too, I can't be sure). There's also the fierce rivalry Kaguya has with another immortal Mokou, though considering they actively send assassins after the other it's a bit less loving than other rivalries. It is a bit of a softer rivalry in certain series, like the Inaba books. There's also technically all the suitors that were after Kaguya, but considering she sends them off on impossible tasks I imagine she was less than excited to be in a relationship with any of them.
Grade: C

: W-WHAT? Me and Mokou, my most hated rival? Being YURI together?! What nonsense!

But that always seems to happen with hated enemies. Plus it's not like either of you are going anywhere anytime soon either.

: Harumph!

*Kaguya pouts cutely.*

: Hey, doesn't she remind you of Ririchiyo when she talks about you?

What do you mean?

: Like when Riri gets angry at you and stuff. She has a similar facial expression.

I don't see it...

: Either way you'd better apologize!

*Meanwhile*

: WAAACHOOO! Hmmm, someone must be talking about me. Good things I hope. And I hope that it's Topa-Er, why am I thinking of him now. I need to stop that, or my arhythmia will act up again.

*Back at Eientei*

: Thanks for the apologies.

You're welcome. I thought that my back was going to give out from bowing so much.

: You need a stronger back. Tell Riri to eat more to make her butt heavier.

Hmmm, great idea. But for now I need to finish up Kaguya's blog.

: Only one more area to go!

Age: Kaguya is ageless, and much like Eirin she's at least 1300 years old. Also like Eirin it's been hinted at that Kaguya is hundreds of millions of years old. Luckily Kaguya doesn't seem as phased by this as her friend is.
Grade: A+

Hmmm, if Kaguya and Eirin are the same age, why is the latter the only one that gets angry at it being mentioned?

: I'm comfortable with my age, and my beauty is timeless as well.

: I get tired of being called a "hag" due to the "Ya" in my last name, like some other characters.

I see then, so you don't have a problem with your age then?

: Not as much as I might have made it seem like last time. But that does NOT excuse people calling me a "hag". That's just cruel.

: Especially for someone who is "Forever 17".

: Exactly-HEY!

Total Grades: 73
Average score: 8.1
Final Grade: B

: Hmmm. That's an interesting score.

Any particular reason?

: Well, I'm around where your favorites score, but is there any reason I'm not one of your top ones?

: Empry is as stubborn as he is lazy. As a result he hasn't changed his favorites from the first game he played.

: But Reisen!

: She's on there for... other, NAUGHTIER reasons...

: I do suppose that she's a useless bunny only good for her sex appeal.

: I HEARD THAT!

*Reisen walks in.*

Hey, weren't you having foot pain last week?

: I did, but I put some Oinkment on it. Eirin's medicine really does wonders.

Don't you mean "ointment".

: No, it's apparently pig-based.

: Enough fooling around here. It's time for you two to go!

: WAIT! Accept this gift for making it to me. Not many people do so.

: Well, you are a final boss...

*Kaguya takes out a bracelet of some sort and straps it to Topaz's wrist.*

Awesome, I got another item!

: You're really making a haul recently.

True. Though I will say that it seems old.

: W-what? It's certainly not something that I've been trying to get rid of for ages...

And it looks like a hunk of junk...

: That just means that it's ancient. Older than old. A real treasure!

And it smells funny.

: What odor? You don't want it because it SMELLS funny? That's the smell of HISTORY!

: It is wise not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

: Besides, it's not like Kaguya smuggled that inside her butt for years trying to get it to you.

If she did, I'd hope that she'd give it to Zettai instead.

: Fufufu. You are always so silly. I'm going to miss you.

: Indeed, it is time to say goodbye. But don't worry, we'll meet again some day.

You mean it?

: Of course. I mean, you have to pay me SOMETIME. But for now...

*Eirin opens a transportation gate.*

: Go back!

*She pushes Topaz through and closes it.*

: Hey! You shouldn't have that power! That's Yukari!

: But it's a simple ninth level spell, and I'm a mage.

: Fair excuse.

: And don't worry. I sent him to go meet with a nurse that appeals to him better. Well, school nurse anyway.

: Sounds like a facesitting good time! I'm so jealous.