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WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!

Welcome back. Last time I found Sernia and, after a really boring lame blog, we went to the greenhouse where we found a stray cow who challenged me to a fight. I would like better a talking bull that refers to Spanish as the language that can thwart evil, but as usual life isn’t fair.

: Yo, I’m not a cow! That’s Yoshida!

Yeah, Kazumi Yoshida is pretty busty, that’s why Shana is better.

: Slave, I think she refers the soma-filled Kochou Yoshida from her origin series.

Oh. Both are lame anyway. Though Kazumi has a better personality.

: Hey, no talking about JC Staff characters! I’m from their offshoot studio!

Fear and Hinagiku got along fine, though Hina isn’t with JC Staff any more.

: Exactly!

Anyway, let’s get this show on road. You are...



...and apparently you go as the name “Envy” now. Why?

: Because he’s one of da most popular FMA characters!

...Really?

: No, because.... *sighs* in truth I am jealous of all da attention Ringo gets from Kousaku and wish I coulda get it. That makes me Envy, our boss Lust claims.

Who is your boss?

: Hi- Wait, I ain’t telling ya!

What about your companions?

: Wrath is So- Wait, I said I ain’t telling ya!

Curses, she’s dumb but not THAT dumb!

: Yee-haw! *poses* Behold the superiority of country people!

Superiority? If it wasn’t for this little revenge plot you would’ve never left your little hole in the middle of nowhere!

: Spoken like a city rat! Ya are just stressed out! Life in da fields is betta’!

Oh, yeah? And then why did my parents leave their small towns?

: Yar parents are traitors!

WELL, THAT’S IT! Prepare to get blogged harshly!

: Wow, I’ve never seen my slave this angry before.. And what’s up with this fat woman’s accent anyway? Is she from the country or a pirate?

: Arrrrrrr!

Head

Hair
Minori has ugly hair. The color is really weird, like a strange mix of brown and green kind of like vomit or mucus or something gross. Sad part is apparently she has much better hair in the novels, being a simple light-ish brown color, so boo Silver Link for mucking up her hair color. Her hair is also quite short, never a good thing. She has framing bangs so not everything is bad, but her front bangs are fairly generic. Or if anything WORSE than generic, since her “big middle bang” has the center bang far longer than the ones at the sides. It honestly looks like she has male genitals on her forehead, which is presumably someone’s fetish. Not mine, that’s for sure. And in similarities and stuff, she has an ahoge which combined with her hair makes her freaking head resemble an apple. Never mind Ringo is the name of the OTHER HEROINE. Yeah, I don’t even know. Moving on, her hair is just bad. There.
Grade: C-

Eyes
Minori has green eyes, she really is Envy. Fortunately they aren’t an ugly green; they’re normal green if kind of light sadly. She has tareme; it fits her, but is not my preference. Her pupils are neat though, they remind me of Xabungle eyes a little but more modern. Sadly she never wears glasses. Oh, and she has slightly thick eyebrows, it might be a countryside joke maybe. At least she’s not a unibrow like Ryotsu, so she looks cute. Could be worse overall, if nothing else her eyes best her hair by a mile. Yeah.
Grade: B

Body

Build
Bad, at least thanks to the anime. Since Silver Link is awful the anime became a terrible mamocentric nightmare, and thus Minori’s canon big ass was ignored in favor of her oversized chest being shown a lot. A whole lot. Never mind there was already a cow that outright gets called “big breasts” and another oversized busty girl in the mature teacher, they had to make Minori show her bust too. Then again in the novels she only gets her butt brought up apparently because she’s fat and mocked for that, because like everyone knows nobody finds asses attractive let alone large ones. I wish for once butts were brought up because they are big and sexy. Aside from MajiKoi, but the anime of course ignored all of that because the world hates butts. And loves disgusting breasts tumors as well, since Minori got hers overfocused at all and it was awful. Hence the terrible score, boo ruining a bottom-heavy girl because liking big breasts equals top selfish feelings. Oh, and no, she has no official measurements. She’s also a giantess technically in one ED, but it’s used poorly. And in one episode somehow she gets fat though in an insane way, but gets back to normal later. She also steps in the lead’s face once, but Ringo would’ve been better. Bah.
Grade: C-

Butt
Funny thing, Minori is described both in the anime and in the novels as having a big ass and apparently this is like one of her main traits in the novels. So of course the anime ignored this and barely showed her ass, awesome. At least her butt is nice when the series remember it exists, but taking VERY RARE big ass focus girl and making her randomly get cow udders focus is terrible. Only reason she doesn’t get a worse score would be her whole show was just as bad, most notably going from breasts vs. asses early to udders vs. DFC later, and Silver Link was at its worst at that point with this series, Strike the Blood, and maybe Non Non Biyori, so it doesn’t feel like they she simply was ruined her for the sake of it. Unlike Akamatsu with Eva. Sigh.
Grade: C

Clothes
Like in most animes Minori’s main costume is her school uniform, a blazer-type with a dark blue blazer over a white shirt, a green bowtie, and a green checkered pleated skirt. Skirt kinda sucks, but the rest is pretty nice. Sadly Minori doesn’t button it up and is lame enough to not wear the blazer sometimes, so she loses points. Well, that and her other costumes, as usual, are lame. Okay, so she wears a nice kimono, but besides. Her naked apron in one ED would be nice if it was really naked, but she wears underwear for no reason other than covering her ass and ruining the point. It’s not like she’s wearing a bra or anything covering her chest, so this is yet another case of Japan failing naked apron. Considering one of the most mamocentric H-animes ever gets it right there is literally no excuse for every other show not to do it at least decently. She also has like eight or so different bikinis between the series proper, the usual ending, and official art because there are never enough bikinis. Peak creativity right here. Worse, several of these offer little to no support for her chest simply for the bullshit excuse of having more of her chest exposed. It’s not like she or any other girl ever wears a thong, the somewhat less painful cousin of this, so it’s just bad. Also one has a cow print, har har. And in an image she’s a cowgirl, har har again. For her competition with Ringo she has some weird blue costume with a lot of cleavage AGAIN, and a nice gym uniform with black buruma that is pretty much her only other good costume. Oh, and she has work overalls, they’re pretty good armor with its speed boost and more defense than some shells but attractive they are not. All in all Minori’s outfits are boring, uncreative as hell, mamocentric, and overall not very appealing at all. Crud.
Grade: C

Mind

Personality
Minori is main guy Kousaku’s childhood friend, not a surprise since both live in a small rural town where nobody has ever left their house yet they all know life in the fields is way better than city life and often lecture us on this. Ahem. Anyway Minori as usual likes Kousaku, maybe because she barely shows this. She’s more noteworthy for being really hateful towards his love of idol Yuka Kusakabe, often getting rid of his Kusakabe stuff for no real reason than being a jerk. I really don’t like how anime has this terrible popular gag where a mean girl gets rid of the male lead’s otaku or pervy belongings because she freaking said so and somehow she never gets called out on this. Because respecting people’s belongings is overrated. Worse, when the real Yuka Kusakabe does come to that town, under her real name Ringo Kinoshita, she instantly hates her without much explanation and constantly antagonizes and berates her. It gets even worse: For some bizarre reason MINORI was the one who got Ringo to come to town since she kept sending her letters in Kousaku’s name. Wait, why did you support Kousaku in something you don’t want him to support? Why did you bomb your own chances of shagging with Kousaku by bringing the woman he loves the most in the world? Why did you get so angry when she showed up, when it’s all your fault? Why did you stop hating Ringo magically after revealing this, when she still gets Kousaku’s love? Why does this plot twist make NO FREAKING SENSE? And yeah, not only they really become friends in seconds but Minori gets away with mocking the lead by being flabbergasted by this reveal. So was I, because at said it made NO sense! Sadly the information from novels is limited, but in the anime she still had some more terrible screentime with a plotline where she tries to force a shotgun wedding with Kousaku though of course it doesn’t work. To be fair it’s not like Minori attracts stupid plotlines tho, the whole show is this dumb.

Minori is a kinda complicated character. She has some moments where she looks a nice girl, but she also spends a lot of time being rude to Kousaku or Ringo for no reason at all. Like with Chihiro this ends hurting her score, as I don’t like girls so inconsistent since I prefer stability. She’s also an idiot and clumsy, though not terrible I guess. Overall she wasn’t too interesting, she spent most of the time being a contrarian yet somehow also supposedly a romantic interest, and she did too many dumb things and was too ridiculous to be amusing. It doesn’t help the main heroine is a KUUDERE with small breasts and a nice ass as well as a great hime cut voiced by Yukari Tamura, so naturally Minori was doomed from the start. Being honest pretty much the entire freaking cast but Kousaku and Ringo was kinda weak, but Minori was the worst because of her elevated screentime. And even Kousaku was KouSUCKu in the pathetically pathetic finale. Which favored Minori, of freaking course. Yuck.
Grade: D

Libido
BAD. Really bad. Mostly due to the last two episodes, no less. For most of the series she’s kind of a rival heroine but no really. Then in the second to last episode Minori drags Kousaku to get married by pretending to get pregnant of him, just to avoid inconveniences from her family. That’s pretty bad already, but in the same ep he beautifully bonds with Ringo and yet in the finale he CAN’T CHOOSE FROM EITHER GIRL. Really? Okay, let me summarize things. Kousaku can choose from either Ringo, whom he always loved and treats him kindly, or Minori, he gives two craps for and treats him AND his beloved Ringo like crap, and SOMEHOW the dork can’t freaking choose! REALLY? This is like choosing between steak or poison laced with more poison, even a freaking vegan would pick the meat. And if they pick the poison, eh, nothing of value was lost. That twist was so mind-numbingly dumb, it probably can only be explained as writer bias. Not a surprise, since the series was terrible anyway. Urgh.
Grade: D

Age
Typical high school age, almost as she’s in first year. I nearly forgot to write this section and you probably can guess why. Rats.
Grade: B+

Voice
Why, Kana Hanazawa, why. I know money is important, it can be exchanged for goods and services, but I’m sure there were FAR better roles than freaking Minori. Note she could get worse as she did Seryuu Ubiquitous. And, even worse, two traps. 2014 was definitely Kana Hanazawa’s worst year by a mile. So that hurts her score. Also for whatever reason she uses Mino dialect, but that changes nothing as she sucks hard anyway. Fuck.
Grade: A-

Total: 49 (C)

: Ain’t that da same score as Infamy?

Ya- Err, you deserve it! You were always annoying and stupid, acting like a jackass to both the lead and Ringo yet somehow became Ringo’s friend and a rival love interest randomly. You’re ugly and unattractive, as even Becky-sensei is better! You have a decent fanbase, not Ringo’s but still. And overall nothing about you is any good! Freaking get out NOW!

: What a load of bullcrap, and I’ve seen a lot of bullcrap in my life! Wait, ya say around forty Becky-sensei is BETTA’?

At least she’s perverse and amusing in small doses! You can’t even get that!

: Ya mummy shackla’!

Hey, I like Ringo best!

: Ya cradle robba’!

What, nothing is good enough for you?

: Shaddap! Ya hoser!

: Wait, you’re Canadian now?

: I be from whichever place I say! Like the Basque! Now call ya lasses and getta ready fer a fightin’!

Hooray, battles!

: It’ll be a contest!

Hooray, contests! Now come, ojous! *snaps his fingers, and the four ojous blogged this month appear out of thin air*

: I got out of bed five minutes earlier to pick everyone up, you better be grateful...

: Wait, where are we?

: I was training and... YOU!

: Cecilia Alcott! England’s greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!

: Nonsense, it was Pitt the Elder!

: Lord Palmerston!

: Pitt the Elder! *pokes Sernia’s drills*

: Oh, you now asked for it! *butt punches Cecilia*

: How you dare! *returns the butt punch*

: At least nobody brings up Sarkozy’s tiny size...

: Shaddap! Ya lasses help Zettai with da contest!

: ...Oh my, look at her uncouth way of talking...

: I know, right? And her clothing is tacky and cheap...

: And her posture is improper and her attitude is brash...

: And she smells funny, like if she hadn’t bathed in months...

: Ya keep yer trap shut!

Wow, she managed to get the ojous to side on something...

: Zettai, I’m fightin’ da lasses in three games based on farm labor! First will be planting seeds!

Whatever, sure. Ladies, who wants to be first?

: Let me this. *yawns* If Exeggutor can do it then it must be easy, they have no arms after all...

: Yer words are funny, land lubber!

: Another pirate term!

: We shoulda wear labor clothes! *takes off her work suit to reveal a cow print bikini with a tail on its thong bottom* Ya ready?

: Wait... *teleports her clothes out to reveal a white sukumizu* There we go...

: ‘Kay, TIME TO DIG! *starts laboring soil and planting seeds at fast speeds* How ya doin’, pink princess? Did ya get blisters from... plant... ing...?

: Zzzzzz.... *takes a nap while using her powers to labor and soil at incredible speeds*

: This is totally cheatin’!

: Is that so? You said nothing about psychic powers.

: So give up and admit defeat or I’ll spank you good!

: I dun care if ya city folks use psycho powa’, as us farm people use our hands! That’s how it’s done!

Then you should’ve said so before. But you didn’t, so Caitlin’s win is fair.

: BULLSHIT! Of which I saw quite a few before! But fine, if ya want ya get dis.

Hooray! *spanks Caitlin’s butt to celebrate*

: ...! *squeezes Zettai’s crotch with her mind and blows him away*

...That wasn’t sexy... Much...

: Hah-hah! Next is goat jousting!

WHAT?

: First time I heard of it...

: Goat jousting is DA action sport in da boonies! Few play it sadly...

: Eh, if it’s jousting I could handle this. Especially with my loyal ride! *puts her arm behind Zettai’s head*

Thanks...

: Now get in position! *puts on her jousting armor, thong included*

Y-Yes! *does so*

: Good boy! *sits on Zettai’s back*

: So this is what you did while I wasn’t around, slave? Did you miss me that much? That’s kind of cute, but mostly PATHETIC.

: Hear, hear! And fer I... *whistles, summoning a goat carrying a bag so she takes the bag* Ova’ here... *puts on her gym uniform and on top a bunch of random metal apparels, included a pot on her head*

: Khorosho!

: Don’t speak French, as I ain’t got a clue!

: That was RUSSIAN, you dolt! Make like a tree and get out of here!

: And you should be next...

: I’m ready! *gets on the goat*

: Uuuh... *wakes up to watch the fight* Go Zettai and Bertille... or whatever.

: Joust!

: Charge, my loyal steed! *makes Zettai rush at Minori*

: Smack’em sideways! *charges her goat at Bertille*

: Hah! *tries to push Minori off, but the spear bounces off her flab and falls to the ground* WHAT?

: Yer a dumpface! *smacks Bertille with her spear and pushes her off* I win!

Lady Bertille, are you okay?

: This was so humiliating! Almost like when I got my skirt stolen so everyone saw my underwear!

: And your battle thong is okay?

Of course it is, Mistress!

: Well well, one to one folks! Next one decides da winna’!

: Katja... Have you noticed Minori’s accent is kind of weird?

: Yeah, I blame my slave’s poor English.

: I refuse to endure such a mockery of Shakespeare’s tongue... *falls asleep again*

: Last match is mud wrestling capture da flag!

: Mud? We’ll get dirty...

: How uncouth...

: Shut yer trap!

No traps here, luckily! And no Texas Rangers, sadly...

: Chuck Norris can watch every single Silver Link anime at once and not fall asleep!

: Nonsense!

: Just fer that joke da last match will be tag-team wrestling now. Come, my partna’!

Great, twice the proble- YOU!

: Me! *just popped out from under a fake rock* Don’t worry, Zettai, as I am not part of the Seven Anime Sins and I’m only here to aid my friend Minori.

: Thanks, Minori!

: Not a problem, Minori...

: It’s like world’s ugliest mirror...

: Zettai, leave this to us!

: These two are ours!

: Fine! Let’s get changed again! *both Minori wear bikinis with thong bottoms, black for the meganekko and green for the other one*

: You sure enjoy this... *wears a blue sling swimsuit while Sernia dons her red one*

: No wonder Riri scolds me every week saying she gets flustered reading this blog.

: Are ya ready?

: I’m lady!

: Guess that means “yes” fer city folks... Let’s go! *waits near her flag while the other Minori sneaks around Metal Gear-style*

: Gotta do guard duty... *sighs* If only I had my rifle... or Interceptor so we could play with a Frisbee...

: Where did you go, sneaky meganekko? I’m used to deal with trolls, this is nothing!

: SNEAK ATTACK! *shows up out of the mud and holds Sernia’s neck from behind*

: COUNTER! *throws Minori to the ground* Time to get the flag!

: As if! *grabs Sernia’s ankle and makes her fall* Now I’ll get the flag! *runs off*

: Watch out, Cecilia!

: Ahahahaha! What can a pampered lady do to a trained soldier?

: THIS! *kicks Minori upwards, then as she falls grabs her by her neck and ankles and pulls on them* TOWER BRIDGE!

: GAH! *takes damage*

: Minori, I’m helping ya!

: Oh, no you don’t! *hops on Minori’s back, legs around her waist, and pulls back on her arms from her wrists* PALO SPECIAL!

: UNGAAAAH! *takes harsh damage* Why are ya doing this?

: You called it Mud WRESTLING, right? *runs away with Minori’s flag*

: Urgh... *chases after her*

: Quick, Sernia!

: I’m almost there!

: SNEAK DEFENSE! *pops up in front of Sernia* You shall not pass!

: Hear, hear! *joins Minori*

: Oh, well... Miss Flameheart, let’s do that!

: Sure thing, Miss Alcott!

: CROSS....

: BOMBER! *both girls charge at Minori and Minori, trapping their shorthaired heads between their ojou arms in a strong pressure attack*

: OWIE! *is defeated*

: MOMMY! *is defeated too*

: Excellent work, Miss Flameheart!

: Well, of course! *plants the flag in their area* We won!

: Dammit... This cameo sucked... *leaves*

Well done, girls! All you girls did a great work! Minus Bertille, but her ass is the biggest so I forgive her.

: Thank you! ...I think.

: Zzzz... Fool....Mumble mumble...

: Ah well, mine loss. Time to pack up and-

: Not so fast! *puts Minori over her knee and spanks her*

: OWOWOW! *secretly loves it*

Now talk! What are the names of your friends?

: I’m no telling! Even if ya girls are like Gluttony!

Gluttony is an ojou?

: Ooops. *runs away*

Hey, don’t escape! ANGER IMPACT! *fires a beam resembling his angry face out of his actual face, narrowly missing Minori but the impact makes her land facefirst into one big warm “present” a cow left earlier*

: ARGH! *gets out* THIS STINKS! *runs off*

And that’s that. Thanks again, ojou team!

: Thank you, Zettai... Come be my hugging pillow someday... You look soft. *teleports away*

: You have to be my horse again too! *leaves*

: Oh, Char told me she misses Topaz and wants to see him in private while wearing a maid’s dress... Not sure which of them should wear the dress. *leaves*

: Heard you based a girl’s drills on mine... Thank you, as I feel honored. *leaves*

Well, Mistress, do we go look for Gluttony?

: What about Wrath and Lust? We know part of their names.

Yeah, but that’s boring. Gluttony has the funnier hint, so let’s look for her first!

: Sure thing, slave. I’ll slap you if this is a bad idea! *both of them leave*