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Last time on Zettai’s blog, the epic fatass trio of Fate, Minna and Shizuku were able to end Sena’s reign of busty terror. However, a new terror lurks in the dark corners of the world, for Acav readies her counterattack! This won’t be the story that we will cover today. Instead, Zettai will review a girl very unlike the rest of the others from his blog. A girl not from anime…



That’s mine, princess Suzuka! *jumps in the middle of the blog and dances* Yoiyoi!

H-Hey! This is MY blog! Let me give the introductions!

Eh? *covers her mouth with a fan* Ic’m sorry, but it was more fun if Ic did this myself! *shakes her hips seductively*

Err… *coughs* Anyway! This is a Very Special ZettaiBlog. We will explain why you must say no when someone touches you in places that make you feel uncomfortable!

Like this? *shakes her butt against Zettai’s crotch*

No, because this doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable, more like the opposite

But thou art not teaching the children a lesson this way, ohoho.

Children shouldn’t read this blog! They should be watching porn when their parents aren’t looking!

Instead of ruining thine chances at getting a bride, thou should get around writing mine blog! *hits Zettai’s head with a folded fan, repeatedly*

Ow, ow, owowow!

Hello, hello, anyone home?

Fine, fine, I’ll get to it!

Head

Hair
A hime cut is always an easy high grade, especially since Suzuka is pseudo-Japanese classical royalty and it fits her nicely. Light blue hair is not precisely my favorite, but it’s nice and it goes with her blue clothing as well. Her bangs aren’t perfect either because of the horn, but as an oni there wasn’t much of a choice. I really like the bells and ribbons on her bangs as well, they are so cute!
Grade: A-

Dost thou like? *waves her hair, making the bells ring*

Oooh, cuuuuuute!

How about this? *waves her hips, showing a low of skin*

Whoa! *nosebleeds*

Ohohoho! Thou art so silly!

Eyes
Golden eyes in tsurime, what an awesome combination! There’s quite a bit of golden in her clothing, so it matches that as well. Plus it fits with her royalty status. The only flaw is it doesn’t particularly match her hair, but it doesn’t really clash either.
Grade: A

Body

Build
YES! Suzuka’s body is pretty much perfect! While there aren’t any official measurements she looks a little smaller than the other girls, perhaps not loli-sized but certainly close to one, and she has a very slender upper body with a lovelicious flat stomach, a cute nave she’s known for in-universe and a glorious flat chest. Sadly the game mocks her small breasts way too often, but I find them just right and she allows those of us with superior tastes to rest our eyes from all the cows in the cast. Her lower body is just as desirable, with REALLY sexy legs and nice wide hips! She is essentially perfect from her toenails to the tip of her ahoge. Also, as an oni she has a horn in her forehead, and for some reason pointy elf-like ears as well. I don’t mind either thing, and really, who the hell cares when you have a body so sexy you deserve an S-Rank!
Grade: A+

*covers her mouth with a fan again* Well, bold of thee, huh?

I’m just being honest here. And I’m not done yet!

Butt
While I do favor bigger asses, Suzuka’s derriere is just right for her and she has some nice hips, meaning she’s not exactly lacking in this category. The original game sadly is lacking in buttshots, but the sequel has them; hers in particular are very quick, but they exist, and we can see her ass is nice as well. More importantly, HER HIPS. She sways her hips ALL the time in battle, sadly she’s mostly seen from the front but the message is obvious: Suzuka is a butt character. And that’s what matters.
Grade: B-

Hey, don’t call mine a butt!

I mean your ass is the most attractive part.

All of mine body is attractive! *dances* Janjan Baribari!

Clothes
Unfortunately, like most video game characters Suzuka’s wardrobe consists of one outfit, but one hell of an outfit! The top is a mini-jacket and a tubetop, thus letting her beautiful flat stomach on plain sight while still looking striking and showy, with her wide sleeves in special being quite notable. The bottom seems to be a mix of a sarong and a long skirt with a rope-like belt holding it in, but more importantly it has HOLES on her hips, thus letting you see A LOT of that area. You get to see so much you wonder if she wears panties, which she probably doesn’t. Her set-up finishes with kneesocks and red geta, which is sorta okay I guess. The point is her clothes emphasize all her strong points: Her slender upper body, her curvier upper body, her sexy legs and her commando-ness! Oh, there is equipment too, but it doesn’t change her looks and none of it is noteworthy: Her exclusive armors are always tubetops and none of her unique accessories is that attractive, but like all females she can equip a cat tail, and some of the general accessories like the frilly apron are nice as well, so while nothing special this doesn’t hurt either.
Grade: B+

So, do you wear panties or not?

Ohohoho! Let a woman haft her secrets, will thou? Surely thou fined the mystery to be more exciting, dost thou not?

Y-Yes…

Then rest thine mind rest, boy! *laughs*

Mind

Personality
Suzuka is assertiveness. While the other girls in the cast can be perverted, and at least half of them or more are pervy most of the time, Suzuka is the only one who is also dominant and sure of herself. Well, sure aside from her chest issues. She comes from a pseudo-ancient Japan world, which matches with her old-fashioned speech the translators sadly ignored. In battle she leaves most of the work to a “karakuri” or robot named Jaki-GUN-Oh, while she mostly dances and rides it during some moves. The robot has a lot of guns and in the sequel the Inazuma Kick, so nobody cares. While she’s not the strongest or most durable character, she can rack a lot of hits, which matters more for the sequel since you recover some Spirit Points based on your combo, the higher the better. And Suzuka has very good Spirit Skills, making her one of the, if not THE best support character in both games. Higher combos also raise the limit bar, so she still contributes to dealing more damage overall. Combined with her very sexy cut-ins, there are few reasons not to use her, especially in the sequel. Also, while I mentioned it before, yeah, this game talks waaaay too much about breasts and Suzuka’s lovely slender chest is mocked a lot. Her navel is brought up to, leading to the nickname that gives title to this blog. Sadly her sexy hips aren’t mentioned much, boo!
Grade: A

Thou have mentioned mine hips enough times for everyone else!

Libido
As stated in personality, Suzuka is clearly dommy and assertive, seeing how her fiancée Shuten behaves with her in a very obedient manner. That is very good; nothing beats a sexually dominant girl. Sadly we don’t see her do anything sexually dommy, and her flat chest shame is also a bit of a negative point. In the positive side she likes manly men and her very sexy attitude on her dances makes up for her lack of femdom scenes, especially given her delicious hips!
Grade: B+

And that means Ic dost not find thee attractive, wee child.

Boo-hoo, like I expected otherwise. *turns his head and pouts*

Ic see thine sad expression!

Age
Her actual age is meant to be over 100 years old, while she’s meant to look 14-15 physically. 14 and 15 are a whole rank apart for me, but averaging and rounding up because of her being much older than she looks, we get a nice score.
Grade: A

Voice
Mamiko Noto! I haven’t said it as much as with others, but I love her sweet, calm voice. Suzuka, however is nothing like that and has a proud classical ojou speaking style. And she is AWESOME at it! Another grade she deserves an S in, easily.
Grade: A+

Total: 92 (A-)

And that’s it!

Mine score is the second highest thee haft given. Dost thee care for “hime cut” and “flat chests” so much?

Yes! They are two of the most beautiful girls can have!

Besides a large and generous backside, am I wrong?

No, not at all!

Ohoho… Surely thou will meet thine star-crossed lover someday. But alas, this is not Ic.

I know, such a thought would be wrong! You have a lover!

Nice of thee to feel this way, thou have the markings of a great man! Now Ic must depart. But perhaps Ic will meet thee someday, no doubt later this month. Farewell! *jumps on Jaki-GUN-Oh and leaves* JANJAN BARIBARI!

And so, Zettai has ranked another girl. Who will Zettai cover next month? What theme is he following? Is he aware he sucks at writing olde English? Some of those questions will be answered next week, so stay tuned!