Offside Girl

How this hentai has avoided being voted as the worst on MAL I do not know. Offside Girl is a hentai about a female manager for a soccer team who has sex. The entire thing is done with Flash and is nothing more than a bunch of scrolled still frames with a few tiny pieces of (bad) animation such as moving mouths. Any actual motion is done by either shaking the camera back and forth or repeating the same 1-2 second loop animation over and over.

The story, the dialogue, the plot, the artwork... all bad. Almost nothing in this hentai makes ... sense, and I cannot imagine anyone investing money to produce this drivel... I think that maybe someone took something that their child was making on their home computer and marketed it.

Trust me... do not watch this. On second thought, please do... it will give you a very good idea of just how bad bad can be.

First review

What can I say about this. It was just horrible to watch. When I read the H-manga to it, I really liked. The art was good, the storyline.....was okay. When I saw that Offside Girl had an H-anime to it, I was expecting things. Good things. I was let down. It was like a slap to the face with an electric flyswatter.

When I saw the animation I was like "Is this really it?" It was just so awfully done. A still image moving up and down or side to side is basically how it was. I watched the first 30 seconds of it and ... immediately closed out of it and never went back.

This did not do the H-manga any justice. Probably the worst adaption of an H-manga EVER. I think I'll just stick to the H-manga.

Remember those ‘motion comics’ they use to make? Where they take the frame of a comic and seemingly just edit it to make it appear animated? And it always looks… wrong? They’ve been made for Watchmen, Astonishing X-Men, and Iron Man — and in 2007 they made one for a hentai.

Except, not only does it carry all the flaws of the halfhearted animation of “motion comics”, they take the lacklustre production value of hentai and don’t even animated simple things like lips.

If you’ve ever been bothered or annoyed by Queen Bee animation standards, this is the next level of hell. It doesn’t even have a ... professional standards of colouring or line-art. This might as well be a cheap visual novel with some limited fake animation.

The story is relevantly fine, the music hilarious (reminds me of JRPG battle music in some places), and the fetishes are mild. Unless you jack off to jiggling tits with the Photoshop morph tool, skip this.

Review on my blog: https://trashonthecurb.wordpress.com/2016/12/03/offside-girl-a-pornographic-adult-anime-review/

This isn't really a review. I just have a question to ask the gallery: why?

The original VHS tape of Offside Girl did not land in a cornfield, somewhere. It was not magically spawned from the unfocused lustful thoughts of Japanese salarymen a la Warhammer daemonic incursion. This was made. Somebody (almost certainly some *group* of people) decided to make this. On purpose. It was a deliberate process. Someone sat down at a computer and said to themselves "let's make an animation."

So why

did the animators

refuse to animate anything?!

This is a recurring theme, among the dregs of hentai projects. It's something that occurs in other genres of ... anime, to some degree or other, but it seems to be an absolute plague, here. Offside Girl is a collection of maybe semi-passable still images, that have had lazy tween and morph tool effects added to them to vaguely imply they're alive. Characters in visual novels have smoother and more life-like animations to them. NES sprites have more realistic and dynamic ranges of motion. The whole thing is so antithetical to the creative process. Both of these episodes are held together with something like two dozen pictures, with the Flash morph tool doing the rest. And, like, I can't wrap my head around it.

Is this a scam? Was this like a Yakuza fronted business that just needed to produce something so they could launder money through creative accounting? It can't have been that somebody actually wanted to make a quality show. This has the hallmarks of a product made by a company that didn't want to make hentai. Perfectly understandable. What *did* these guys want to do with their lives? What wonderful lifelong dreams were being put on hold, while they used the transparency tool to simulate teenage girl lactation? Did making Offside Girl *help* them do that, in any way? Did it at least give them enough money to fend off the landlord for another month? I hope they're doing all right, all of them.

I had this conversation with someone, where they basically said that "nobody expects quality" of certain genres of media. All anybody wants from porn is for it to make the pp hard, and it's foolish to expect things like context or story or likeable characters... or even just signs that the artists wanted to make something. This confuses me. I can't imagine somebody making things they have *no* desire for. You don't form an indie hentai studio by mistake. But looking at shows like Offside Girl, it's blatantly obvious that, even if my friend isn't entirely right, this *does* seem to be the state of play, at least to some degree.

Which brings me back to the question for the gallery: Why?