Ranked #2034

Bronze: Zetsuai Since 1989

I have over the years watched a lot of really bad anime. Mostly out of personal interest to see just how bad something can possibly be. I suppose it’s a lot like rubbernecking at an accident on the highway. Up until now, Mars of Destruction reigned as the poster boy for terrible anime but after seeing Bronze Zetsuai I have to revise that opinion. This is the only thing I have seen in which I scored it basically 1's across the board.

The prequel to Bronze was not good, however compared to this it looks like Gone with the Wind. Though it isn't really necessary to see the prequel either as other than using the same characters nothing that important is carried over to this episode. The story picks up a year later, with our two lovers Koji and Izumi living together and continuing their passionless and uninteresting relationship in secret. Izumi, thanks to the events from the first story is now a nationally known youth footballer and has been offered the chance to play in Italy. He takes off for Italy to view some football matches without telling Koji personally, just leaving a note. He does this because Koji is a needy psychotic tool and if I had been in his position I would have done the same thing. How long is he going to be gone you ask? For a week. He’s not leaving forever. He’s coming back, in a week. Seven days. 168 hours. 10080 minutes. 604800 seconds. But Koji's needy ass apparently can’t live without Izumi for even 1 second and races off to the airport to stop him. Guess what!? Yep he has an accident and ends up in a coma! Zetsuai's tradition of hospital visits remains intact!

There is absolutely nothing riveting or interesting about how the story is presented. It’s full of clichés and uninspired drama that mostly feels like a poorly written cheap soap opera. The plot plays out so predictably and with additionally unnecessary situations and drama that bring nothing to it. While the original seemed to be told more through Koji's perspective, Bronze is told mainly through Izumi's eyes. I am not sure if it’s possible to make a man, even one as unmanly as Koji, moe but Bronze gives it a try. Koji's family which was completely unmentioned in the first story emerges as cockblocks to their love in this one. Apparently we are to believe that Koji is a Budo prodigy and on his father’s death he is, according to his will, supposed to take over as head of the family to pass on their Budo-style. What this means or why it’s important is never explained, nor did I care to know. I find it hilarious that this weepy sissy who hasn’t practiced since he was 10 is still able to display awe inspiring feats with his sword.

As characters Izumi and Koji remain as the primary focus on the story. Izumi remains as a cold and unfeeling jerk and when the story attempts to show his passionate side towards Koji the only thing I felt was the pain in my stomach from uncontrolled laughter. We see him slowly move towards admitting his gayness. Koji remains the weepy girly man from the first story. The way he acts is both cringe worthy and laugh out loud hilarious. (not in an intentionally funny way either) He is still a complete whack job and despite the stories desperate attempts to make you feel something for either one of the leads, it fails in every aspect.

The addition of Koji's family brings nothing to the story of substance. His brothers seem to have had almost no contact or influence on Koji's life any time recently and it is puzzling why they would suddenly take so much interest in him now. The other supporting characters bring nothing other than to push the asshole Izumi into discovering his true feelings and homosexuality.

Bronze continues the series tradition of eye bleeding shitastic visuals. All of my complaints of the original still remain. I found it confusing how inconsistent it was in terms of the character designs. While Koji and Izumi look pretty much as they did in the first story, the returning supporting cast such as Koji's manager and Izumi's sister look so completely different that they were unrecognizable. Thankfully (I suppose?) there is very little music in this episode but the piss poor voice acting remains to subject your ears too.

Bronze: Zetsuai Since 1989 is the worst show I have seen in my life. The very fact this show is collectively rated a 7.08 makes me wonder about the taste and intelligence of people. This is one of the higher rated yaoi titles on MAL too. I feel sorry for true yaoi fans if this is an example of a good series. Stay very far away from this turd.



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Guh.

God this is a bad OVA. I have not read the original manga, but I watched this out of some twisted sense of curiosity. By the end of the anime I could care less about the cardboard-cutout stereotype waffy-uke and emotionally-stunted seme and just wanted to smack them both.

Here's a general rundown of what happens: they get together, then break up for no reason. Angst ensues. This happens OVER 9000 times in a forty-five minute period, and at some point, Izumi is so angst-ridden he COUGHS UP BLOOD. I think there is some Magical Soul-Healing Buttsecks (R) in there somewhere.

Whatever.

If you are desperate for your yaoi fix, read a naughty bedtime story or a doujin. This sort of anime right here is one of the reasons the genre is so hated even by gay men themselves. read more