Yesterday, Chris's biggest problem was getting into a good college. Now, his spirit has been hijacked by wings of light, and transported into an ancient world. Summoned by an enslaved tribe to lead a bloody revolution, Chris must quickly adapt to his new surroundings... or die.
TL;DR - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_8Bhz5c224, SO BAD IT'S GLORIOUS!
This is not an anime to watch alone. This is an anime to watch on bad movie night. This is the anime equivalent of Tommy Wiseau's The Room. This is Plan 9 From Outer Space. This is the anime equivalent of hilariously campy.
The story offers little to no background in what is clearly a rather complex fantasy world. Don't bother yourself by trying to figure anything out. It won't do a lick of good. Just sit back and laugh at this comedy gold.
I don't give a crap about talking art-style and character development (with the exception of Giant Tawrad, who has an inexplicably large sword he inexplicably never uses in battle; he is the bees knees!!!), what I care about is the sound. It is of the utmost importance that you go straight for the English dub of this cult masterpiece, because it's what truly shines. From half-assed "screams" of despair to quotable gems like "You certainly got sexy," this dub has it all. Do you like watching a guy talking to himself across a dimensional rift with dialogue that is incredibly nonsensical? Of course you do! I kid you not, a master writer could TRY to make this worse and fail.
The real key is that this is not the kind of bad that hurts because you just can't stand to have it on for another second, this is the kind of bad that hurts because your sides will ache from all the laughing you'll be doing.read more
Strange case we got here: a show so bad that it's good! Make sure to watch this show dubbed though because ever single line is delivered with such horribly delivery that you can only question if the actors have ever held a normal conversation with a person before.
The story and characters in this show are just awful. The story barely makes a damn bit of sense and the characters reactions to it are just terrible. That's not to say that there is not enjoyment to be had here because there is plenty of enjoyment to be had here, everything is so bad it makes you want to finish watching it at the very least. At least the art is watchable, but still pretty bad.
We have our main, Chris, and for some reason he gets spirited away by a giant glowing duck and we never really get an explanation. He's spirited away to the same place where Aura Battler Dunbine takes place, but for some reason he was only half spirited away and is still in the real world, where everyone acts like it is perfectly normal that he is half there and half in the past. The plot holes are so frequent you can only wonder if anyone bothered to proofread this before they started animating it. He has a lot of scenes where he talks with himself and the dialogue and acting in them are just so godawful that every line feels like it makes fodder for instant memes ("Oh my god I felt like I was having a dream!"). The cutest thing here is that the story thinks that its serious, but every aspect of it is so marvelously terrible, from the basics, the ending, everything in the middle, the characters, the interactions, the predictability, that you mostly end up watching it for the horrendously bad dialogue. Therein lies why I say that the enjoyment factor is high, it's sorta like going to a friend's school play where no one can act and you secretly snigger during the performance, but instead of acting awkward when you compliment them afterwards, you can let your true feeling out and just laugh your head off.
Recommend watching this with a group of friends though, it will only add to the enjoyment factor. You'll question how this went so terribly wrong given that the guy behind Gundam made it. Be sure to watch dub though or you'll miss out on the inadvertent humor at every turn. And that fairy is creepy.read more
When you ask Otaku today what the worst anime in existence is, you get answers like Pupa, Mars of Destruction, and maybe Kis X Sis. When you asked otaku in the 1990s what the worst anime series were, you got one of 2 answers: MD Geist or Garzey's Wing. Since I already reviewed Geist, it was inevitable that I would one day have to review this pile.
Let us travel back in time to the 1990s when everyone was talking about this shitty movie called Garzey's Wing. You probably had dial up internet, and booting up a plain text site could easily take 15 minutes even if you could keep your siblings and parents off the phone. Surfing the net...sucked! There were sites where anime was discussed, but no massive anime databases anything like MAL. Yet somehow entirely from word of mouth, rumor spread from anime club to anime club about this truly GOD AWFUL movie with the most confusing story, the lamest characters, and the absolute worst dub anyone had ever heard before! This was the legend of Garzey's Wing. What is most amazing is that it was written and directed by the same guy that created the Gundam franchise!!! Garzey's Wing was supposed to be a huge hit, but failed hard in Japan and every country in which it was released. In spite of this fact, mostly because they were evil bastards, Central Park Media decided in their infinite wisdom to adapt Garzey's Wing and give it an English Dub. The result was depending on your point of view either the funniest moment in anime history or the most insulting and atrocious raping the anime medium has ever received.
Led by the amazing vocal talents of Rick Nagel and a team of voice actors that mostly never appeared in anything EVER again, this cast is like the imperfection dream team. Every line delivered is either completely inhuman in its cadence and enunciation, or delivered with an odd tone, or is a laughably butchered Japanese pronunciation. Everything that possibly could go wrong, goes WAY wrong in Garzey's Wing. The original anime was terrible in Japanese, but this dub is just the perfect cherry on top.
Story and characters: 1/10
The story is supposed to be about an ordinary boy that has his spirit transferred to a magical land where he must fight evil whilst his now soulless body goes on living in our world. However, it would take about 3 times watching to even figure that much out. Garzey's Wing is absolutely inscrutable in its narrative, but not because it is trying to be artistic like Ergo Proxy or End of Evangelion. Instead the vagueness is derived sheerly from ineptitude. What should have been an unoriginal but at least average story becomes a complete nightmare of bullshit. Most of the characters are either forgettable or unlikeable, with the most memorable being the fairy Falan Fa. If you thought Puck from the Berserk manga was annoying, Oh boy are you in for a treat! This guy makes Happy from Fairy Tail seem like the most awesome character in the world.
Although the animation isn't quite as bad as the plot, characters, and dubbing, it is still pretty shoddy even by the standards of low budget 1990s OVAs. Now THAT is a statement.
If you are curious about Garzey's Wing, go to youtube and check out some clips. I would advise against watching the whole movie, since you just may overdose on its shittyness and die! Somehow this movie was actually re-released on DVD in the early 2000s. Every copy of Garzey's Wing should be put in a large shipping crate and given over the US government like the end of Raiders of the Lost Arc.read more
Imagine, if you will, that you've been transported to a fantastical alternative universe. In this world enormous creatures, resembling dinosaurs roam the landscape. Yet there are still people here: foreign looking ones though, and wearing clothes from the sixteenth century. And if all that wasn't depressing enough, your sword is considerably less sharp than you would have anticipated. Welcome to the world of Byston Well, and the exercise in terrible production that is Garzey's Wing!
Anyone who has ever dreamed of creating a work of narrative fiction: be it a film, a novel or an anime, would be well advised to watch Garzey's Wing, because it is composed entirely of examples of what not to do when writing. You'll find out what some of the worst possible ways of providing 'exposition' are. You'll discover why sometimes, less really is more. Finally, you'll learn why hiring amateur voice actors is a bad idea.
On the off chance you're not interested in making up a story of your own, Garzey's Wing is still worthy of your time. It is arguably the funniest anime ever made, because the people who made it really didn't have a clue. Let's take the director and original creator Yoshiyuki Tomino for example: besides Garzey's Wing, the only other noteworthy project he's been involved in is some old and obscure mecha series called "Gundam". Oh, that Yoshiyuki Tomino.
Yes, the man behind one of the most famous anime franchise of all time, and the inspirational, game-changing, original 1979 series of Gundam also made this, the most hackneyed attempt at a fantasy story ever made. It's hard to believe that Tomino didn't realise what he was doing wrong before it was too late.
The opening scene pretty much sets the tone for the entire series, highlighting all of the problems which we can expect for the next ninety minutes succinctly. A close up of an unappealing looking insect creature (a cicada) above some traffic. Our hero, Christopher Chiaka, is sitting atop his motorcycle and looking like a badass. Heavily exaggerated car horns in the background leave us in no doubt: he is, unquestionably, at the side of a road. Christopher may be a badass, but he's not stupid: he wouldn't dream of riding his motorcycle without the necessary safety equipment. Unfortunately, his female friend Rumiko didn't get the memo:
"Aren't you hot with such heavy clothing?"
Before Christopher, or Chris, has the opportunity to explain to Rumiko why wearing loose clothing on a motorcycle is potentially dangerous, she follows up with an altogether far more relevant question:
"Why do you have to go back to your hometown now? You've already failed the college entrance exams twice now."
Three sentences in, and already you feel like you've known Chris your entire life. But such economical dialogue comes with a heavy price, in that it seems totally artificial.
Rumiko's observation about Chris's clothing choice is an example of what is soon to become a trend in this anime: relentless question about insignificant details. This time it is a stupid question about clothing choice, later on it will be everything from the names of various mythical beasts to trivial questions at awkward moments. There is no reason why, amid the heat of battle, the protagonist would need to know what the name of the specific monster he is fighting at that moment. Such information may be important later, but someone with a gun pointed at their head is unlikely to be concerned with identifying the specific model before its owner pulls the trigger.
Her question about why Christopher wants to return to his home town demonstrates another failure in the dialogue: attempting to explain what is happening by asking questions retrospectively . It seems unlikely that over the course of Chris's visit with Rumiko, neither of them had the opportunity to discuss any upcoming engagements they might have in the near future. It may not be completely out of the question on this occasion, but this isn't the only example. It's unlikely for example that the Emperor of Byston Well would need to have a myth about the 'Great Baraju tree' explained to him by one of his military officers. If such information was pertinent to the defense of the realm, one would think defending it would be incorporated into their long-term military strategy.
The third line highlights the final common fault in the dialogue: the preponderance of non sequiturs. What connection does Chris returning to his hometown have to do with him failing his college entrance exams? Is he returning home because he failed his entrance exams? Was he intent on attending University in his hometown, after having moved away at some later stage in his life? Or perhaps the purpose of the trip is something frivolous, such as a class-reunion pool party?
Of course, one can look at Garzey's Wing through a critical lense and analyse it in the same way one would with any other film, but doing so undermines its more endearing properties. It's one thing to read through Rumiko's opening dialogue, but to listen to it is quite another. The voice actress who played her character seems to be unable to differentiate between 'annoyed' and 'furious'. It was obviously intended that her character was disgruntled by Christopher's sudden departure, yet the actress shouts out her lines in a loud and aggressive tone as though he had just spat in her face. It's actually hard to believe that even someone who's never acted before could misread their lines so badly. This is made crystal clear in her last line, when she lets out the positively catty remark "You're so easy-going!"
This is the first of many memorable lines from Garzey's Wing, and merely writing it down is making me chuckle. Rumiko is ultimately a minor character but every other member of the cast shares her foibles. The voice actor who plays Christopher is even worse: he is utterly incapable of showing emotion. He delivers every line in exactly the same tone regardless of situation, whether sharing the feeling of terror as he is chased by a "real army" or expressing deep sorrow that he was unable to attend his class reunion. The only variable, is volume. He shouts, and then he shouts even louder.
The story lacks all cohesion, and amid all the exposition one quickly loses track of what is important and is merely detail. The leaden quality of the acting makes it impossible to invest in the plight of any of the characters and the sheer ridiculousness of the whole thing prevents you from taking anything in it seriously. At the same time it is this ridiculousness, and the cringe worthy dialogue, which makes Garzey's Wing particularly entertaining to watch. If you cannot bring yourself to watch ninety minutes of junk food anime, then I recommend at least taking the time to watch the condensed version.
There are plenty of bad anime out there. But only a few shows are downright unwatchable. Ugly animation, nonsensical plots, and boring characters sink many anime, but only some fail in every possible way. Here are ten of the worst anime you'll wish you'd never wasted your time on.